Miscommunications and Blunders
by defying3reason
Summary: SB/RL Sirius and Remus discover the different character of their friendship and watch it build into something else. James attempts to duplicate this feat with Lily.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

The sign-up list to stay at Hogwarts over the holidays came down the table, and as usual Remus signed it. He passed it along to Sirius, expecting him to sign it as well, as the two of them had spent the past five Christmases together at the school while nearly everyone else went home. But for the first time in six years, Sirius passed the list down the table. Remus quickly averted his eyes, hoping Sirius hadn't caught his momentarily stung expression.

"You're not staying at Hogwarts this year too?" Peter asked, surprised.

"Nah, don't need to," Sirius answered dismissively between mouthfuls of toast. "James' mum invited me for every holiday through graduation. I'm looking forward to it too. Never spent a Christmas with a happy family before."

"Well don't expect too much Pads," James said, rolling his eyes. "I mean sure, my family's not mental like yours, but Mum fusses like you wouldn't believe. She's always such a nag at Christmas."

"My Mum fusses too! She does, she-she spends the whole time asking me about school, and my marks and things and it's a holiday. You're not supposed to care about school anymore," Peter put in quickly. James and Peter immediately started a pissing contest over whose concerned, nurturing mother was the worst, and Sirius and Remus traded eye rolls across the table while their friends weren't looking.

It's not that Remus thought his parents were as bad as the Blacks, per se…it's just that his home life was stressful in its own unique way that made him distant. Though they never said so, and though Remus knew he was loved, he could tell his parents blamed the hardships of their lives on him. Which was kind of fair…life would be much easier for them if Greyback had killed him instead of merely biting him.

With that happy thought, Remus mumbled an excuse and slipped off towards Gryffindor Tower to kill the remaining time before class in solitude. He wasn't in a very good mood anymore.

He really didn't want to spend Christmas alone.

Remus trudged through the portrait hole, up to their dormitory and flopped onto his bed. He pulled a blanket around his shoulders, faced the wall, and allowed a proper sulk now that he was alone. He needed to get it all out before classes started, or he'd fall even more behind than he had already (Slughorn was giving him grief in Potions-he kept thanking Remus for continuing with it and demonstrating to the class what not to do during every practical, which was apparently great for instruction).

Then his curtains were drawn back. Sirius sat down on the bed next to him and prodded his shoulder. Sighing, Remus sat up and let the blanket fall down his arms. "Hullo Padfoot."

"Heya Remus. So what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Sirius shook his head. "We don't have much time before Transfiguration, so do you want to just skip the run around and tell me the truth? Is it me not staying for Christmas or something else?"

Remus opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He frowned, and looked down at his hands. "You don't need to stay at the castle for me. I'm sure you'll have a lot more fun with James."

"I'm not thick, you know? I just looked it up. There's a moon over holidays. If I'd realized that this morning, I'd have signed the list straight away. You should have mentioned something, you know? I've been trying to get this through to you since second year. You can talk to me. I want to know when you're upset, especially when there's something I can do to help. Okay mate?"

"Al-alright. Sirius, really, you don't have to stay for me. I've survived plenty of moons without help. I can do it again so you can have a month off. It's fine." It really wasn't, and he'd miss his friends terribly if he were ever left completely alone.

Sirius seemed to realize that, like he always seemed to know how Remus was actually feeling despite his reassuring little speeches.

"Look, we told you last year when we finally managed the animagi transformations, you're never going to be alone for a moon again. I'm always going to help you. So quit worrying about it. I already signed the list anyway, so it's a done argument."

"Isn't Mrs. Potter going to be upset?" Remus asked.

"Probably, but I'll smooth it all over next time I see her. Now c'mon, we've got to get moving." And Sirius dragged him off to class.

* * *

><p>The full moon was the night before Christmas Eve, which was terrible timing. Remus would be too weak for the Christmas Feast, which Sirius complained about loudly on his behalf. "It's okay though, I'll nick you loads of food and bring back as many crackers as I can carry."<p>

James had left his invisibility cloak behind for them, so when it was time for Remus to make his way to the Shrieking Shack, Sirius followed invisibly behind him until they got to the tunnel.

"It's a shame Wormtail's so fat and I'm so tall. If three of us could fit under this thing again, it'd be loads easier to just go along with you rather than follow after later," Sirius said with a wistful sigh, de-cloaking the second they were in the tunnel and out of sight. He cheerfully threw the cloak over his arm and followed after Remus, who didn't say anything and walked faster.

The others had only watched him transform into a wolf once, and though his memories of actual transformation were never very clear, he was sure Moony was a bit tougher about turning into Remus than the other way around. He was a little nervous about having Sirius along for the entire thing, but this was easier so there was no arguing him out of it.

Frankly, he couldn't tell if, when the others treated the transformations like fun they were trying to make him feel better, or they really did enjoy the romps as animals enough to forget how painful the whole experience was. Considering the lengths they'd gone to help him, he _knew_ that wasn't it, but sometimes when the others treated it so casually it was easy to forget that.

Sirius chatted a little bit about the Christmas Feast, and homework and classes, and complained about Snape, or complained about James' crush on Evans, and before they knew it they'd reached the Shack. Sirius stowed the invisibility cloak on an empty bookshelf in what would have been the den in an inhabited home, then jogged up to the bedroom, where Remus had kicked off his trainers and was shrugging out of his robes.

He turned bright red when he noticed Sirius standing in the doorway. "Um Pads, don't you think you ought to wait downstairs while I'm actually transforming?"

"Why?" Sirius asked.

Remus thought it was obvious. Apparently not. "I'd, er, rather you not see this."

"I've already seen it loads of times. Once a month for over a year now."

"Yeah, but…look it's different when I'm going from me to wolf than when I go from wolf to me. I'd rather be alone." Remus turned around to start pulling off his shirt, both because he hated when people saw his scar and to avoid the hurt look on Sirius' face.

Once he was nude, Remus sat down by the boarded up window, hugged his knees to his chest, and waited for the moon to work its horrible magic. He started breathing fast, which was nothing to do with the transformation and everything to do with nerves. He really hated this, feared it more than anything he could think of, and now that it was so close the fear was paralyzing.

He let his forehead drop to his knees as a small sob escaped his throat. He tried to tell himself that it'd be over soon, and he'd romp around the Shack with Sirius and it'd even be fun, but the transformation-the transformation hurt so much that the fun to come was small consolation. He was going to be sick. It was almost time. Almost time.

Then the door creaked open and Padfoot came trotting in. He bumped his wet nose against Remus' shoulder and messily licked the tears from his cheeks. Another strangled sob escaped him, and Remus hugged the shaggy dog, digging his fingernails into the thick fur as he sobbed out his fear and shame. Padfoot let out a low whine, but stayed, letting Remus use him like the world's largest, worst smelling teddy bear. When the transformation began to wrack his body, Padfoot turned his head and gave Remus sloppy dog kisses until there was more fur than skin. He backed up, and was soon looking into Moony's amber eyes.

Moony wagged his tail, but didn't get up right away. Padfoot sat down next to him, shook his shaggy head, and waited for his companion to get his breath back. After about five minutes or so, Moony nudged Padfoot and then took off down the hall. Padfoot followed after for what proved to be an excellent wrestling match, which they followed with a pissing contest (well, they _were_ both dogs at the moment), and then they destroyed a sofa and rolled around in the ripped stuffing. Moony went over to the tunnel entrance and whimpered and scratched at the trap door a few times, but Padfoot shook his head. They'd agreed back in the castle that they weren't leaving the Shack this time, not without Prongs to help keep Moony in line.

So they had a few more wrestling matches, played in the sofa stuffing some more, and then Moony went upstairs and flopped on the bed, looking tired but pleased. Padfoot made his way over and sat down next to him, and Moony rested his great vicious head on his friend's ribcage.

When they were both human, nothing like this would ever happen. Remus was far too reserved and jumpy for this kind of physical contact. Sirius reckoned he'd been going a bit far lately in enjoying the monthly transformations, but part of the reason he did like them so much was because he got to do things with Moony that he never could with Remus. And even when the others were along, it was something like one on one time, since they were the only canines. There were just some games a dog and a wolf could play that a dog, a wolf, a stag and a rat couldn't.

And lately Sirius had found himself wanting more and more one on one time with his friend…

After a nice nap, Moony got up, jostling Padfoot awake, and licked his snout. He went over to the boarded up window and sat down on the same spot Padfoot had found Remus in earlier. It was only then that he noticed the golden tinge to the light from between the boards. Sunrise already? That had gone by fast.

In no time at all, Moony let out a pitiful whimper, which had Padfoot next to him in an instant, nuzzling and licking him until eventually there were human arms digging into his coarse black fur, and a human throat was rasping out those horrible noises instead of a wolfish one. Sirius turned back to himself in a painless instant, pulled Remus into his arms and hugged him protectively. Remus regarded him through a pain haze, let out a shaky breath, and then passed out.

Sirius held his friend a moment longer, waiting for his knees to stop shaking before he got up to carry Remus to the old broken bed in the room. He carefully laid him over the blankets, retrieved his clothes and dressed him. Before he put his shirt on though, Sirius paused and ran his hand over the largest scar on Remus' abdomen, the only one he hadn't given himself. Suppressing a shudder, Sirius finished with the shirt, lay down next to his friend and dropped off to sleep, physically and emotionally exhausted himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Sirius woke rather reluctantly, but with an insistent feeling nagging him to get a move on. It took him a few moments to realize why, but then he placed his surroundings as the Shrieking Shack, and figured he'd best get his arse back up to the castle.

It was rather cozy now that all the horrible things were done with though. He had an arm flung over Remus, who was a pleasant warm spot on his front. He leaned forward so that his face was buried in Remus' hair and inhaled deeply, smelling Remus' shampoo, and musk and sweat, and if he closed his eyes for just a second he could imagine that they were in bed together for more pleasant reasons…

And that feeling of lust pooling in his stomach would be very hard to explain, especially considering the actual circumstances, so Sirius dashed that fantasy before it could properly begin, lest it manifest itself physically. He sat up, yawned, and gently shook Remus' shoulder.

"Hey Moony…Moony. I'm headed back up to the castle. D'ya want me to come back down later and fetch you or can you come with me?"

"Mmm…mnnh?" Remus' eyelids fluttered. It was a moment before he actually focused on Sirius' face.

He looked terrible. Pale, worn, huge shadows under his eyes, grey tinge to his skin…but he wasn't bleeding. Sirius was proud for that. He'd only gotten one new scar since the others had become illegal animagi, which was the whole effing point.

"If you just give me another…another minute," Remus said softly, "I'll be along. Bed's better at the castle…" He yawned again and closed his eyes.

Sirius laid back down next to him and waited another twenty minutes before poking him again. "Happy Christmas Eve mate. Really ought to get moving now though, or it'll be a trick getting back in. I will come back for you later though if you need more rest."

"No, no. M'good." Remus sat up and rubbed at his eyes, and almost fell over the instant he stood up. Sirius caught him, then decided the hell with it, and picked him up.

"Hey, Padfoot…" Remus whined, too exhausted to make a proper protest, for which Sirius was grateful. He carried him downstairs, fetched the cloak, and hefted him through the passageway back to the Whomping Willow.

Getting through the castle was more difficult than the tunnel, as Remus was still thoroughly exhausted and Sirius had to move behind him with the cloak. He nudged him forward a few times, and every now and then Remus stopped and leaned on him for a breather, but eventually they made it back to Gryffindor Tower. The common room was deserted, so Sirius whipped the cloak off and carried Remus upstairs. His protest was even feebler than before, and by the time Sirius set him down on his bed he was asleep again.

Sirius smoothed back Remus' fringe and smiled fondly at his friend, then plopped onto his own bed for another nap. Even though the boy was ridiculously underweight, carrying Remus around had still been tiring.

* * *

><p>Sirius woke again some hours later after what was still not enough sleep, but once he was up he couldn't drift off again. Rubbing at his eyes and muttering mutinously, not feeling rested in the least, Sirius pulled himself from bed, dressed, and snuck down to the kitchens to nick some food off the house elves (breakfast had long since passed, but it wasn't quite lunch yet and he didn't feel like waiting).<p>

He brought a decent haul of sandwiches up to the dorm with him and rummaged through his trunk for a couple of butterbeers he'd saved from the last Hogsmeade trip. Remus was still sleeping heavily, and Sirius wondered for a second if he ought to wake him or not.

It was a very short second. Remus was probably supposed to be on the thin side, but the harshness of his transformations made him look rather starved. He needed food as much as sleep.

"Moony…" Sirius shook his shoulder. "Moony, get up."

Remus let out a little groan and weakly swatted at Sirius's arm. "Nn…leggo. L'f me 'lone."

"Come on Remus, you need to eat. Get up." Sirius gave his shoulder another vigorous shake, then threatened to start practicing hexes on him. Remus finally opened his eyes, and Sirius helped him into a sitting position in bed. He summoned James' and Peter's pillows over and crammed them behind Remus to keep him up, then handed him a sandwich and opened one of the butterbeers.

"How're you feeling?" Sirius asked.

"Like shit," Remus answered simply. He thought for a second. "Less so than usual though, I suppose. Thanks Padfoot."

Sirius waved his hand, as though it were nothing because to him, staying behind for Remus to keep him from tearing himself apart really was just a part of friendship. "Think you'll be up for the feast tomorrow?"

"Doubt it. Maybe though. Need to sleep some more."

"Well, you look good," Sirius said, then felt his face color. "Er, ah, I mean you don't look as weak as you-you used to."

Remus' eyes widened ever so slightly before he looked down at his sandwich. Mercifully, he focused his attention back on eating.

Sirius rambled a bit, talking about the feast, and Christmas, and the presents he'd gotten the others, and when they'd finished eating he cleared away their things. Remus was still awake so he sat beside him in bed and chatted a little more. He fixed the pillows again so he could lie back down. When Remus' eyelids began to droop Sirius made to get up, but Remus touched his arm.

"You can…I mean, if you want…you can stay," Remus whispered.

"You need to rest," Sirius said, an odd sort of reluctance creeping over him. He did very much want to stay by Remus' side, but felt like it was the wrong thing to want. Remus' pale, thin hand resting on the sleeve of his robes felt good though.

Sirius finally overcame his reluctance and crawled into bed beside Remus. Remus fell asleep with his head on Sirius' shoulder, Sirius' arm around him protectively.

* * *

><p>When Remus woke the next day, still feeling weak and sore but infinitely better, Sirius was still there. There was a stack of books around the bed that hadn't been there before, leading Remus to the conclusion that Sirius had summoned them, but at the moment his friend was asleep.<p>

Quietly and carefully, Remus slipped out of bed.

He was feeling much stronger than he usually did so close to a Moon (which was still like a punchy anemic recovering from a bout of flu, but he was able to stagger out of bed and keep his feet), so he dressed and went down to breakfast.

They didn't talk about it, and when Sirius came down to the Great Hall they behaved towards each other quite as they usually did. It was clear to both of them though, that without James and Peter around taking up their attention that there was something different going on between them.

* * *

><p>"I'm not sure you've noticed Moony, but this thing we're at where there's even more delicious food loaded on the tables than normal, we call it a feast."<p>

"I'm aware Padfoot."

"Right then, it means you're supposed to eat."

Remus held up his fork in demonstration. "I'm eating."

With an irritable huff, Sirius started heaping food onto Remus' plate. "You're _picking_ at it Remus. Eat the food, you need it."

Though in the days leading up to the feast, Remus had been disappointed by the thought of missing it, now that he was actually in the Great Hall (which seemed much brighter than usual. He wished they'd take it down a notch-he couldn't be the only one with a headache), he rather wished he'd stayed up in Gryffindor tower instead. Though mostly recovered, he was still weak and shaky, and several acquaintances had already asked him if he was okay. He and Sirius had been given a wide berth at the table. The other students seemed to think the sickly sixth year had something contagious again.

"Sorry. It's just hard to keep my appetite with him staring at me," Remus muttered, tilting his head to indicate the Slytherin table.

Sirius followed Remus' head-tilt, though he really didn't need to bother. It was Snape again, staring Remus down and muttering something under his breath. "Slimy git."

"I shouldn't have come to the feast."

"Course you should have. It's Christmas, feasting's part of the fun."

"But I'm still so weak, and he can tell something's wrong, and he's going to figure it out." Remus set his fork down.

"I'm going to force feed you if you don't pick that back up," Sirius threatened.

But Remus ignored him. "I think I'd better go lie down. Sorry Padfoot."

"Remus-" But he dashed away before Sirius could talk him into staying. He sent a furious glare towards Snape, who missed it entirely with his attention fixed on Remus' departing form. Scowling, Sirius started thinking through the list of hexes he and James had practiced, imagining how they'd look on a greasy, prying, hook-nosed asshole.

Sirius finished off hit plate but didn't linger for pudding. He scooped up the armful of crackers he'd promised Remus when it had looked like he wouldn't be attending the feast at all, ignored a fourth year who was trying to get his attention, and went back up to Gryffindor tower.

But Remus wasn't in the common room, and he wasn't in their dorm. Sirius dug the map out of his trunk, muttering under his breath all the while. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He tapped the map with his wand and looked it over for Remus. "Oh bugger!" The jerk was in the Prefect's bathroom, a favored recourse when the solitary teen wanted to be left alone. He'd never told the others the password, and they couldn't get it out of any of the other prefects, though Sirius had come quite close with a Ravenclaw girl before Evans had put a stop to it.

Sirius left the crackers on Remus' pillow and then went down to the kitchens to get some leftover Christmas pudding from the elves.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"'Lo Remus. Have a good five hour bath?"

"I know that was sarcasm, but yes. I…sorry Sirius. I know you pretty much gave up your Christmas for me. I just wanted a little time to myself." Remus sat down on his bed, pushing the crackers out of the way.

Sirius waved his hand. "S'okay. I guess I get a little clingy without James around."

Remus laughed and made a pinching motion in the air. "Just a bit."

Sirius smiled, looking a bit embarrassed. "Well anyway, I didn't give up my Christmas, because I'm having a perfectly good Christmas with you." He sat down next to Remus on his bed.

"Mm, other than Snape staring at me all through dinner, it has been rather nice. My presents weren't even that bad."

"We tried harder this year," Sirius said defensively.

The first year they'd known each other they hadn't bothered with presents, but by second year Remus, Sirius, James and Peter were good enough friends to attempt it. Peter was easy enough to shop for; something run of the mill from Zonko's or anything from Honeydukes and he was satisfied. Sirius and James could sometimes be satisfied with Zonko's tricks, but they preferred gifts that could be used as base material for their own inventions. Lately James had taken a shine to Muggle things he'd never known about, so he could sneak them into conversation to try and impress Lily Evans. Remus had gotten him a stack of magazines about Muggle musicians he knew for a fact Evans liked, and was expecting heavy praise when James got back to school.

Shopping for Remus though, was harder than the others. Since he was always reading, the others had initially tried getting him books. Then they'd learned that bookworms had particular tastes, and they didn't know what Remus' happened to be (they learned that schoolbooks were _not_ in fact his taste, though he did read them). Peter gave Remus things he himself liked, so that he directly benefited when Remus shared the boxes of pastries and candies around. James stuck it out with books, and had this year given him a helpfully modified book on potions making that might actually help him survive Slughorn. Sirius had done him one better and gotten a book by Remus' favorite author.

"The effort was worth it," Remus said softly. "I didn't think anyone'd notice I like Lon Lemuria."

"You've always got three or four of his books in your trunk, and that's space that could be taken up by schoolbooks so I figured that had to count for something," Sirius said, looking very proud of his own cleverness.

"I wasn't sure about your present at all," Remus said hesitantly. He'd gotten Sirius a few volumes of Muggle comic books by an artist named Robert Crumb, whom he'd heard some of his neighbors talking about over the summer holiday. Remus spent the brunt of his time away from school among Muggles, as they were less likely to be suspicious one of their acquaintances was a werewolf. As James and Sirius were purebloods, they had little to no acquaintance with Muggle culture, and therefore found some of the things Remus showed them very amusing.

"Well I like the book. It's interesting. Really rude, and sexual, and that's exactly my cup of tea," Sirius said with a grin. "I think Prongs'll get a kick out of it too."

"I think that's a safe bet," Remus agreed. His eyes were downcast again, and he was radiating discomfort. Sirius was sitting very close to him; their hands were almost touching. Remus thought again about how different things felt between them when the others weren't around…was he imagining it? Last year he'd thought there was something more than friendship between them, but when the others came back from holiday he'd quickly dismissed it as wishful thinking.

Should he take Sirius' hand? He was just about to reach for it when Sirius suddenly shot up off the bed and went to pick up the book James had given Remus.

"Why are you still in Potions anyway?" Sirius asked as he rifled through the book. "I didn't think you liked it." Indeed, for most of their first five years of school, Remus had complained about the subject and expressed a longing for sixth year, when he'd be able to drop it. Peter had happily ditched the class, not being much better than Remus at potion making.

"I don't like it," Remus said. "I just…it's useful, isn't it?"

"Is it? I'm only taking it because I thought it'd be kind of cool to be an auror, but now I'm not so sure. I think that's why Prongs kept going too. Well, that and to further stalk the talented Miss Evans."

"Well, all the current research on treatments for my 'furry little problem' seem to involve potions. I'm going to have to figure out how to make them without blowing up my cauldron someday."

"Is that why Slughorn let you keep going even without an OWL?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded. Sirius let out a barking laugh. "Snivellus loved that, let me tell you. I think he thought he was finally going to be rid of us in his favorite class, and then three out of four kept going."

"Honestly, Severus has no right to complain. He's already fantastic at brewing potions, and I make him look gloriously more talented in comparison," Remus said bitterly. "It's too bad I can't get friendly with him. If there really is a breakthrough treating werewolfism with some kind of potion, if we were friends I could just ask him to make it for me."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Remus, promise me right now that you will never drink anything brewed by Severus Snape. I wouldn't put it past that greasy little asshole to poison you."

"I know that. That's why it was a hypothetical wish."

"Sides, Prongs and I can brew potions for you. And who knows, if he ever does manage to impress Evans, maybe she could lend a hand."

"Right!" Remus laughed, Sirius joining in. "I'd say at this point that James has about as much chance with Evans as I've got with…"

"As you've got with…?" Sirius asked, laughter abruptly ceasing in both teens.

Remus had turned bright red. "Er, nevermind."

"Oh come on, you've got a crush too! Who on? Remus, we've endured three years of moaning and griping from James about Lily Evans. It'd be nice to mix things up a bit and hear about some other unrequited love."

"Well then ask Peter. He's got a new unrequited passionate love every other week."

"I'd have to care about Wormtail's woes for that to work, now wouldn't I?" Sirius asked. He tossed the book aside and plopped back onto the bed. "Come on…please-please-please? Who do you think you haven't got a chance with? I won't tell."

It suddenly occurred to Remus that the potentially humiliating situation might actually be turned to his advantage. He wasn't planning on telling Sirius who he actually fancied, but he could test out the waters…find out what Sirius thought about boys who fancied boys, anyway.

"You promise you won't tell?" Remus asked.

"Course I do. I already said so, didn't I?"

"Not even James or Peter?"

Sirius frowned. "Well…I didn't think they really counted, but if you're that embarrassed then yeah, I can keep quiet from the others. You have my word."

"Alright." He thought quickly through all the boys in their year for who he could conceivably have crushed on had he never met Sirius Black. He really couldn't think of anyone, actually, and if he took too long Sirius would get suspicious. Best just say anyone who wasn't revolting. "James. I…I like James."

Sirius' eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up. It looked like he might have been less surprised if Remus had said he fancied professor Slughorn. "Y-you like James?" He repeated. His voice sounded funny, almost like a pale imitation of itself. "_Our_ James?"

"Yeah. I like Prongs. So obviously I can't tell anyone. I mean, I mean he's a boy and I'm a boy and, well, I mean obviously he's not like me. He likes Evans, so…so yeah."

"I, uh, didn't realize you liked blokes," Sirius said, still sounding uncomfortable.

Remus felt a bit defensive. "It's not a problem, is it? You're not going to tell?"

"Remus, it's absolutely nothing compared to finding out you were a werewolf. I just didn't know. Feels like I should have noticed it somehow. Anyway, you're right, Prongs obviously doesn't like boys, so we should keep this quiet. I won't tell anyone, I promise."

* * *

><p>Sirius had a horrible time trying to sleep that night. He kept angrily tossing about, trying to get comfortable, but his discomfort had nothing to do with his pillow or bed and everything to do with an angry ache in his chest.<p>

So Remus liked his best friend. It wasn't a big deal. He really didn't need to be jealous of James, since Remus would never tell him and James would never like him back.

But whenever Sirius closed his eyes, those highly rational thoughts fled his head, and he couldn't stop imagining James and Remus sitting together, lightly touching each other's arms, trading smiles, sneaking a quick kiss when they'd think no one would see…and once that got him good and irritated he thought about all the other things he wanted to do with Remus that James now had the chance to (though he was too stupidly fixated on Evans to know what he was missing).

How had this happened? Why did Remus like James and not him? Was James better looking? No, that can't have been it. Sirius and James were both popular, but Sirius was the one who had to hide in the loo all day on Valentine's Day. Sirius was the one who'd once been tackled by a seventh year and almost forced to swallow love potion before James and Remus had pried the insane girl off of him. Subtle things like that let Sirius know he was good looking. And besides, Remus wasn't the shallow sort. He wouldn't care just about looks.

There had to be something James did for him that none of the others did, but what? With a sinking feeling, Sirius realized that becoming illegal animagi had been James' idea, and they all knew that easing the pain of his transformations had meant the world to Remus. That was probably when the crush started, and even though Sirius had done at least as much work on figuring out the transformation as James had, and even though he'd become a dog so he'd be the best company he could for a werewolf, obviously the initial idea meant more.

Now truly convinced that he'd failed, that there was no way Remus would ever like him as much as he liked James, Sirius admitted defeat on sleep as well and got out of bed. He got dressed and went to get the cloak and the map out of his trunk. Maybe a little early morning wandering would make him feel better.

He paused by the open hangings of Remus' four poster before he left and gazed down at his friend. He thought of the morning after the transformation, when they'd napped together in the same bed and how wonderful it had felt. Maybe he'd still get to sneak in a few cuddles here and there if he was lucky. He'd take whatever Remus would let him have.

Sirius left the tower, pulled on the cloak, and started off for Hogsmeade, thinking he may as well console himself with some butterbeer and half-hearted flirting with the barmaid at the Three Broomsticks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"Sirius, hang back for a second," James said, grabbing Sirius' shoulder. Scowling, Sirius went with James into an empty classroom, letting Remus and an annoyed looking Peter head off without them.

"What?" Sirius asked sullenly, gazing out the window without looking once at James.

"Do you suddenly have a problem with me?" James asked. "You've been biting my head off since I got back from break, and I can't figure out why."

"I haven't-"

"Yes you bloody well have, and I want to know why before we're up on brooms together." James had a vested interest in making sure Sirius wasn't angry with him before he had a beater's bat and a couple of bludgers handy to vent his feelings with.

Sirius scowled again and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "I've been in a bad mood. It's…I don't have a problem with you James. You're my best friend."

"Right. Why do I get the feeling you're trying to convince yourself instead of me?"

"Look, it's complicated-"

"What is? Pads, what's wrong? Can I help somehow?" James asked, switching from indignation to concern. Sirius finally lowered his face and looked at James. He looked thoroughly miserable, like he was trying not to cry which James had only seen once before, the night he'd run away from his parents and shown up on the Potters' doorstep.

"It's…it's Remus."

"Did you two have a row while we were away?" James asked. Sirius shook his head.

"No, no, nothing like that. I…I like him James."

"Yeah, I like Remus too. He's a great friend," James said, at a complete loss as to what was wrong. He was clearly missing something big for Sirius to be teary eyed over liking…oh. "Wait, you _like_ Remus? As in…you _fancy_ him? You're a poof?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Guess I am."

"Oh. Well that makes a lot of sense, actually."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow, not having expected that reaction from the looks of it. "What? What are you talking about?"

"Well it's just…I was kind of wondering why you didn't have a girlfriend yet. A lot of the prettiest girls in our year, and even some of the seventh years have been throwing themselves at you and you, er, haven't noticed. The rest of us blokes aren't wired like that you know. Wait a sec, I still don't get why this is making you a short fused berk. I mean, I've been pining after Evans for an age, but-"

"You don't care?" Sirius interrupted. "That I like boys?"

"Not really, no. I mean, it's not something you can help, is it? Fancy whoever you like. Just don't go into detail about what you're doing with blokes and I won't care."

Sirius nodded. "Thanks James. This means a lot. It's not, uh, exactly the way I wanted to rebel and be different, you know?"

James waved his hand dismissively. "It's fine. Now will you explain why you've been such a jerk?"

"Oh, right. Remus fancies you," Sirius explained. James' eyes widened. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out so Sirius kept going. "I know it's not your fault, I just can't help being jealous. I'll try not to-"

"_What?_" James yelled, regaining the power of speech and cutting Sirius off. "Remus likes _me_?" He can't have heard that right. Remus had no business liking him, they all knew he was destined to marry Evans and make lots of babies, didn't they?

"Yep. He told me over the holiday. It's supposed to be a secret though, so you can't act like you know."

James was still having a hard time taking that in. "Wait, let me get this straight," James held up his hand. "You and Remus are both gay, and he likes _me_? What the bleeding hell is wrong with him? Why doesn't he like you? Almost every girl in this school likes you! Why's he got to be different?"

"You know, being gay doesn't actually make you a girl," Sirius snapped. He looked so sulky that James immediately regretted yelling. "He doesn't know I'm gay though-"

"Well tell him! He might feel differently if he knows he has a chance with you."

"I don't want him to settle for me if he likes you," Sirius said. "I want him…I want him to like _me_. I think he probably fell for you back when you pitched the animagi transformations to help him. It meant a lot, obviously, and I've never done anything as good-"

"But you did as much work as I did to figure out how to do it," James objected. "And anyway, I think he's closer with you than me."

"Oh goody, I'm in the friend zone!" Sirius said with a sarcastic little clap.

"Least your crush will talk to you."

"Oh do not even try to change the subject to that! We've been over Evans enough for one lifetime thanks."

"Well I don't know what else you want me to say. I'm not going to start being horrible to Moony just so he'll stop liking me," James said defiantly.

"I don't want you to do that!" Sirius yelled. "You hurt Moony and you'll find a great vicious dog snarling in your bed waiting to bite your head off!"

"I don't want to hurt Remus! I like him too, just not like you guys um…yeah. Well this sucks."

"Yep," Sirius agreed. He looked dejected. "Why'd he have to pick you?"

"Dunno. You don't think he's going to make a move on me, do you?" James asked, hoping he didn't look as worried as he felt. He wasn't sure what he'd do if Remus ever confessed his (hopefully eternally) secret feelings.

"Nah, he made me promise not to tell. He didn't even want me to know."

Reassured, James glanced at his watch. "We'd better get moving or we'll be late for practice."

"Right, right."

"Hey, Pads? We'll figure this out somehow. Try not to get too down, alright?"

Sirius nodded glumly. "Yeah, thanks."

* * *

><p>Peter was, as usual, in the stands avidly watching for the duration of the practice. Remus was with him as well, but he had his nose buried in a book every time James glanced down. He wished his friends would clear off though. He wasn't having a very good practice on account of his distracted beaters.<p>

James wanted to be nice, he wanted to be sympathetic. He knew Sirius was upset and that he needed to be treated with compassion. James did know from personal experience how acute the sting of unrequited love was. However, this was _quidditch_. And wasn't Tony Paglia, Evans' current boyfriend and therefore James' rival, playing keeper? And yet the two of them managed to behave professionally for the good of the team (well, mostly anyway).

Every time James looked at Sirius, Sirius was gazing longingly at Moony. And the other beater, Kamala Goyal, was gazing longingly at Sirius.

On the plus side, the rest of the team was getting pretty good at dodging bludgers without the assistance of their beaters.

"You know Potter, I think keeping is quite challenging enough when your main concern is quaffles!" Paglia yelled after narrowly avoiding being unseated.

"Kamala! You should have had that!" James yelled.

"Sorry, sorry!" Kamala zoomed up the pitch and dutifully started whacking bludgers, though she did aim one at James that he didn't feel was strictly necessary.

Then Sirius took a bludger to the side of the head that dropped him thirty feet before he got control of his broom. Realizing defeat, James ended the practice. "Good job chasers. Really well done, excellent flying. Er, good keeping Paglia-"

"Bite me Pothead," Tony snapped before stalking off to the changing rooms. To add insult to injury, James was pretty sure the pureblooded wizard must have picked up that particular insult from his muggle born girlfriend, the object of James' affections.

James fixed a glare on Kamala and Sirius. "What the fucking fuck? What _was_ that? If you ever fly like that again you're off the team!"

"Yeah, well good luck replacing us before the match against Hufflepuff," Kamala said, rolling her eyes. She glanced indecently at Sirius. "Well, I'm off to get naked." She then started towards the changing room with her hips swaying indecently. Sirius didn't seem to notice.

"See, that is what I was talking about earlier," James said, annoyance giving way to amusement.

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Just don't fuck up another practice like that, alright? People are already saying I only let you on the team because we're friends-"

"You _did_ only let me on the team because we're friends," Sirius reminded him.

"Yes, well, you don't need to make it quite so obvious."

"James? Is everything alright?" Remus asked as he and Peter jogged over to meet them.

"Is someone sabotaging the team? Is that why you ended practice so quick and why Sirius and Kamala were flying like ass?" Peter squeaked. Sirius made an indignant noise and James suppressed a snort. "Well sorry Padfoot, but you were flying worse than me, and that's saying something."

"You looked like you were confunded or something when you flew into that bludger," Remus said, chewing his lip nervously. "Here, let me get that for you, it looks nasty." Remus carefully moved some of Sirius' blood matted hair aside and touched his wand to the oozing wound on the side of his head. Sirius closed his eyes and stood still, even after Remus had finished healing him.

In fact, Remus kept his hand in Sirius' hair a bit longer than he really needed to. James watched them feeling some confusion. He coughed loudly and the two broke apart, Remus going slightly red. He'd have to ask Sirius if he was quite sure Remus had said he fancied James, because he certainly wasn't acting like it.

In fact, James wasn't sure Remus had ever acted like he liked him.

* * *

><p>The next few weeks continued to be rife with awkward silences and irritated, snappy comments from Sirius, but eventually the four friends started to fall back into more or less their normal habits. Sirius couldn't really get too jealous, after all, since James had no intention of pursuing Remus. And now that James was aware of exactly who his best friend fancied, he was able to help out a little. For example…<p>

James sharply jabbed Sirius with his elbow while they were in Potions to get his attention. Slughorn was droning on about some pretty intense theory regarding moon cycles, fermentation, and the resulting strengths and weaknesses of poisons, and Remus looked hopelessly lost. In fact, he had a large quantity of ink smudged over his face from when he'd slammed it down on the notes he'd frantically scribbled before the ink could dry.

Sirius, who had jotted down the bare minimum of notes since he didn't find the relationship between moon phases and poison strength all that difficult to remember, quirked an eyebrow at James. James motioned his head towards their panicking friend, who was sitting on Sirius' other side. Sirius shrugged his shoulders, clearly wondering what he was supposed to do about it.

Sighing, James grabbed a spare scrap of parchment and jotted a quick note. 'Moony, don't worry. I'll go over it all in the library with you tonight after dinner. Bet I can explain it loads better than this blustering windbag too. It's not as hard as it looks. Cheers, Pads' He then tapped it with his wand so that it shifted to Sirius' handwriting, and then passed it to Sirius.

Sirius read it over, nodded approvingly, then forced it into Remus' hand under the table.

James thought his clever little plan was in danger of backfiring when he noticed Evans watching him with disapproval. He thought for a moment that she was going to rat on him for passing notes, but then her eyes flicked to Remus, who instantly calmed upon reading the note. Remus smiled warmly at Sirius, and made a better attempt at following Slughorn's lecture.

Lily sent an approving smile James' way before turning back to her own notes, and he felt an upswing of affection for Sirius and Remus and their stupid, unnecessary little drama.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for the assist mate," Sirius said, once Remus took off for Care of Magical Creatures. Sirius and James had a free period, and so were heading to the common room.<p>

"No problem Pads," James answered, still thinking of the rare smile he'd gotten from Evans.

"Course, this does mean I have to spend the night tutoring Moony in the library, but still. Now that I've stopped lying to myself about how I feel about him, even studying with him feels like a treat." He heaved a dramatic sigh.

"Oh god, is this what I've sounded like for the past two years?"

"More like four years and no, you were worse. Sighed way more than I do."

James shook his head. "I refuse to believe I was worse."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"Damn, it's already dark!" James exclaimed in dismay. "I can't believe Wormtail. Not only is he skipping Moon this month because he got the world's most poorly timed detention, but then he has to make us late to meet Moony by copying our homework."

Sirius shrugged before throwing the cloak over the two of them. "Well he can't copy our work in front of Moony the prefect, now can he? Frankly I'm just glad we're not in detention with him. It was close this time, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, if Peter hadn't kept quiet about where he'd gotten those dungbombs…"

"Or how he'd gotten into the staff room…"

The friends allowed themselves a quick laugh before hushing themselves for the trek down to the entrance hall and then out onto the grounds. It wasn't so late that as sixth years they were supposed to be in Gryffindor Tower, but they certainly weren't supposed to be anywhere near the Whomping Willow.

"Any luck with Moony then?" James whispered, once they were outside.

"Nothing yet. Well...I think he is getting a little curious as to why I've been offering to help him with his revision so much lately," Sirius corrected after a pause. "Come to think of it Prongs, just why am I offering to help him all the time anyway? It doesn't seem to be doing any good."

"I dunno. I figured thoughtful gestures would help. You are trying to flirt with him while you're revising, right?"

"Er..."

"You're an idiot Pads."

"Oh shut up. How're things going with Evans then?" Sirius snapped back. James grumbled something unaudible under his breath.

He stopped walking once they got to the tree, and Sirius walked into him. The movement briefly revealed their feet before James shoved the cloak back into place.

"How're we getting the knot without Wormtail?" James hissed.

"We'll just whap it with a stick," Sirius hissed back. "There's a good one. Huh. The stupid prat must have listened to me then."

"What are you talking about?" James asked.

"Oh, I told Snivellus to push the knot in the willow. Thought I'd teach him the consequences of sticking his great greasy nose where it doesn't belong-"

"By making Remus kill him?" James didn't wait for an answer. He darted out from under the cloak, grabbed the stick Severus had used (hopefully recently) to press the knot, and threw himself into the tunnel in an absolute fury. Sirius ran after him, still clutching the invisibility cloak around his shoulders.

"Snape!" James yelled. "Snape, you've got to listen to me! It isn't safe here, you've got to leave!"

"Prongs, wait up," Sirius panted. "He might not even be-"

"Oh fuck off!" James snapped. "Severus!"

Over the sounds of their footsteps and pained exhalations they were just able to hear someone ahead of them breaking into a run. Ignoring the stitch in his side completely, James put on a fresh burst of speed and hurled himself after Severus.

"Snape! _Snape_!"

"No, I'm going to find out what you're doing!" Severus' voice, sounding near-hysterical, came to them from just out of view. James was close, and he was faster than Severus and Sirius. He ran as fast as he could and got a hand around Severus' wrist.

"Come on!" James yelled, trying to tug Severus back towards the school.

"No!" Severus tried to shake him off, failed, and reached for his wand. James punched him and he fell back against the wall of the tunnel, wand sliding from his hand and clattering to the ground.

James gave Severus another heave away from the tunnel exit, and as he did so Severus' head was thrown towards the trap door. His small black eyes widened as they locked on large amber ones. He almost missed the bared teeth because of it.

"W-what is-"

"Stupefy!" James yelled. Severus crumpled to the ground and in one fluid motion James threw the other teen onto his back and transformed into a stag. He had to keep his head down with his antlers facing directly in front of him and hunch over to run, but if he was having this much trouble then Moony had little chance of being able to follow.

Sirius had nudged past James when he stunned Severus, just before he transformed. He threw the cloak off and transformed himself, then ran forward to push Moony back into the Shrieking Shack. It was no small effort. Moony was snapping and biting, doing his very best to trample over Padfoot and get to the human.

James had to turn back into himself at the tunnel exit. He hauled Severus out as quickly as he could and closed the passage behind them. The Whomping Willow sprang to life once more, and they both took some vicious hits before James flung them clear of the tree.

Once James had dragged Severus out of range of the last branch, he collapsed over the other teen's prone form and struggled to get his breathing under control.

He couldn't stop thinking about what might be going on in the tunnel. They'd had a few close shaves on their romps through the forest, so James had an idea of what the wolf was like when it got near prey. But James and Sirius and Peter had always been around to pull him away and distract him until Remus could take tentative control of his monstrous form again. Padfoot alone probably couldn't do it.

Remus was going to hurt himself again after they'd worked so hard to keep that from happening. And he might get Sirius too, though at the moment James didn't care about that as much as he might have.

He climbed to his feet and hoisted Severus up to drag him up to the castle. This was probably the first time he'd ever wanted to be caught doing something wrong, because he needed to talk to Dumbledore, and even Filch would probably expedite the process of getting to the headmaster. Thankfully, he was seen before he made it to the entrance hall, and it was by someone much friendlier than the caretaker.

"What the ruddy hell's going on?"

"Hagrid!" James gasped. "Can you help me get Snape to the castle? I need to speak to professor Dumbledore."

"Are yeh sure you don' need the hospital wing?"

"He's just stunned. It's Dumbledore we need."

"Righ'. Come with me then." And thankfully Hagrid didn't waste time with questions, but simply took Severus from James and marched purposefully for Dumbledore's office. James had to jog to keep up with him, but the adrenaline had returned once they were moving again and it was easy to ignore his exhaustion.

Filch tried to stop them, but Hagrid shoved past him. "Out o' the way yeh great gargoyle. Can't you see this is important?"

They got to the entrance to Dumbledore's office and Hagrid faltered. "Oh no. I just remembered, the password changed this afternoon an' I wasn' given the new one yet."

"Gobstopper," James wheezed. The gargoyles sprang aside, revealing the moving spiral staircase.

"How did yeh-"

"Later Hagrid."

They went up the staircase together and James knocked on the door. Dumbledore had called them in, and Hagrid had placed Severus' unconscious, battered body on Dumbledore's desk before he seemed to realize he didn't actually know what was going on. "Er…evenin' professor Dumbledore."

Dumbledore was sitting at his desk with his long fingers steepled. He looked from Severus' body to James and then quirked an eyebrow. "Hello Hagrid, hello Mr. Potter. Would you kindly explain how you happen to be in my office with an unconscious student?" He might have been asking about the last quidditch match with that calmly curious tone of voice.

James, conversely, was not that calm. "Sir, it's just-I mean he was-I didn't-"

"Perhaps you could try a deep, calming breath and make a fresh attempt?" Dumbledore suggested.

James nodded, took a deep breath, and tried again. "Sirius told Snape how to get into the Shrieking Shack and I had to stun him so he wouldn't get eaten!" He yelled, all in one breath. His panic was starting to return.

"Blimey!" Hagrid bellowed.

Dumbledore rose to his feet. "Hagrid, would you mind transporting Mr. Snape to the hospital wing? Come along with us," Dumbledore said, gently steering James from the room with them. "You'll need those lacerations mended. From the Whomping Willow, I assume?"

"Sir…what about Remus?"

"Sadly there is little to be done for him at the moment. However, by alerting Madam Pomfrey to what she can expect to find at sunrise, we can prepare for Mr. Lupin's fresh injuries. Such a shame too. I'd heard the transformations had been easier on him lately."

Feeling a bit numb, James followed Hagrid and Dumbledore to the hospital wing. If Dumbledore said there was nothing else to be done, then there really must not be anything else he could do.

As he was being herded towards a bed and fed a potion to soothe him to sleep, James wondered if he should tell Dumbledore about Sirius still being in the tunnel. He decided against it. To do that, he'd have to explain why Sirius didn't come back with James and Severus, and why Sirius had gone down to the tunnel to begin with. In short, he'd have to explain that they were illegal animagi, and that was something James couldn't do.

If Sirius got hurt, it was his own stupid fault. Somehow, that thought wasn't much comfort. James drifted off to sleep with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Sirius was unhurt, but he didn't know how much longer that would last. He'd never seen Moony in such a towering rage before, and it was taking all his strength to keep the werewolf pinned.<p>

Sirius spent the night that way, growing steadily more weary but never giving up. Moony shook him off repeatedly, but every time he did Sirius charged him down and pushed his heavy paws on top of the wolf once more, pinning him so that he couldn't hurt himself.

He wanted to cry happy tears when Moony's fur finally started shooting back into his skin, his body warping back into Remus'. Normally Moony whined and made noises of pain and fear as he transformed. This time, he continued to growl and snap until the pain overwhelmed him and he passed out.

Sirius wasn't even aware of shifting from Padfoot to himself. He dropped on top of Remus, body trembling either from exhaustion or simply the horror of what he'd just gone through.

He stayed motionless on top of Remus, not sure what to do. Remus was soundly asleep, but his face was scrunched up in an agonized way. Without thinking, Sirius touched the side of Remus' face, trailing his fingertips down his cheek and along his jaw.

"I'm sorry. Remus, I am so sorry," Sirius whispered shakily, blinking back tears. A few droplets landed on the scarred cheek under him anyway. "And I'm really sorry I won't be able to say that when you're awake."

He kissed Remus' temple, and carefully crawled off of him. Remus was bleeding freely from his shoulder and abdomen, from two of the hits Sirius hadn't been able to stop. Sirius was on the point of shrugging out of his leather trench coat, to wrap Remus in before carrying him up to the castle, when he heard footsteps approaching the trap door.

As quickly and silently as he could, Sirius hid himself in a closet off the main room. He left the door open a crack and watched as Madam Pomfrey and professor McGonagall climbed into the Shack.

"Goodness," McGonagall breathed, clapping a hand over her mouth. "That poor boy."

"Honestly Minerva, I was expecting worse," Madam Pomfrey said as she knelt next to Remus. She pulled some bottles and flasks from her bag and started dabbing at Remus' injuries. "Gruesome, but nothing compared to what this boy used to do to himself when he first started at this school."

"Perhaps…perhaps I ought to give Mr. Lupin some leeway on homework due around the full moon."

"I've been telling professor Dumbledore he should talk to the staff about how you handle this student for an age, but he's insisting that Lupin ought to be treated like any other student."

"Yes…yes, of course. That does seem to be his preference."

Madam Pomfrey made an impatient noise, seeming to feel that McGonagall had missed her point, and then threw herself into her work. In no time at all, she had Remus bandaged, dressed in pajamas and carefully laid out on the stretcher professor McGonagall had conjured.

Once they'd left, Sirius waited another ten minutes before leaving his hiding space. He went upstairs to the bedroom and turned back into Padfoot. Things were simpler with a dog's point of view. He could appreciate and be saddened by the fact that his friend was hurt without that gnawing feeling of personal responsibility.

Padfoot climbed onto the bed, curled up on the spot that smelled the most like Moony, and dropped into a deadened, restless sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"What do you mean I can't tell anyone?"

"Exactly what that phrase implies, I'm afraid." Dumbledore's more diplomatic tones, employed when the person he was talking to was much less calm than himself, tended to be on the quiet side. James shifted in bed so that he could free his other ear for more efficient eavesdropping.

James and Severus were both still in the hospital wing, as was Remus, though he was still unconscious and quite alone in a curtained off bed in the corner. Professor Dumbledore was sitting on Severus' bed, talking with him about the significance of what he now knew. He'd explained that Remus was a werewolf, that yes the school had known all along, and that there were safety precautions in place, and if Severus steered clear of the Whomping Willow, he need never worry again. They'd reached a hitch at the 'don't tell anyone Remus is a werewolf' part of the speech though.

"But professor, it's not safe having him around! What if he gets out?"

"Seeing as you are agitated, I will repeat myself just this one time. However, that is not something I am in the habit of doing," Dumbledore said, heavy warning in his voice. "As long as you do not attempt to get into the passageway under the Whomping Willow, you will be perfectly safe. Mr. Lupin values the safety of his fellow students as much as his own, and I have full faith that he follows our precautions to the fullest."

"His friends don't seem to follow your precautions to the fullest," Severus pointed out.

"Sirius Black will be dealt with."

James felt a bit guilty. Maybe they'd refrain from roaming the Forbidden Forest from now on…

"What about Potter? Er, sir?" Severus added belatedly, realizing his rudeness.

"James Potter saved you from his friend's folly. You owe him your gratitude."

"Gratitude? I bet he only saved me to save his own skin. Unless you think Black was pulling a prank without his favored crony at his side-"

"Even were Mr. Potter involved in Mr. Black's, for lack of a more fitting term, 'prank', which I do not believe he was, that does not change the fact that you owe him your life."

Severus didn't seem to have anything to say to that.

"Now, I suggest you rest up so that you are able to enjoy what promises to be an excellent Saturday outside of our beloved hospital wing. And Severus, should you be tempted to tell another student about Mr. Lupin's unfortunate condition, do try to hold your tongue. I'd hate to have to come up with dire consequences for any further indiscretions."

"Yes professor."

James felt a sudden surge of affection for his headmaster, as well as admiration. Someday he'd have to figure out how to sound cheerful when he threatened someone. Based on the sour milk color of Severus' admittedly horrid complexion, it was highly effective.

* * *

><p>Even after he stopped pretending to be asleep, James spent the rest of the day loitering around the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let him see Remus yet, so he helped her out doing menial tasks, hoping it might change her mind. He did want to see Remus, but mostly he wasn't quite ready to confront Sirius yet and was willing to put as much time as possible between the present and the uncomfortable discussion they would undoubtedly have about his 'prank'.<p>

James did take it as an encouraging sign though, that Sirius hadn't joined them in the hospital wing. If he had gotten hurt, surely Madam Pomfrey would have found him when she fetched Remus from the Shrieking Shack.

Finally, about an hour after supper, Madam Pomfrey relented and allowed James to visit Remus.

He was propped up in bed behind the privacy curtains, soft amber eyes peering out at James from behind bruised purple flesh. He was pale and sallow, hair hanging limply in his face. Sirius was going to be impossible to deal with if he saw Remus that weak and in such obvious pain.

Especially since it was his fault and all.

"James, hi." Remus' voice was little more than a whisper.

"Hey Moony. How're you feeling?"

"Loaded question, that," Remus said with a groan. "Frustrated and confused's right at the top of the list. No one will tell me what happened last night."

"Well mate, you got hurt pretty bad, so-"

"Before you and the others started helping me, worse than this was a monthly occurrence," Remus reminded him. "I'm not that bad off, actually, and I want to know what happened. I…I remember smelling food, uh, I mean a person. I didn't hurt anyone, did I?"

"No, no!" James quickly reassured him, wondering why the hell Dumbledore or Pomfrey hadn't at least told Remus that. It was his greatest fear that he might kill someone, or infect them. The roommates had all been privy to the occasional night terror of Remus' and knew that full well.

Which meant Sirius knew full well. James' pity for Remus was momentarily overpowered by his aggravation with his other friend.

"So did one of you turn back in the tunnel or something?" Remus asked, still obviously puzzled, and annoyed at being left in the dark.

James didn't want to be the one to tell him, but he couldn't _not_ tell him either. Remus needed at least one good friend in his corner. "No, uh…Remus…Snape got into the tunnel."

Remus' eyes widened. "H-he did? But how'd he manage that?"

"He…he was told." James averted his eyes. "I guess Sirius thought it was a joke, or that finding a werewolf would deter him from snooping or something. Remus? Are you okay?"

Somehow, Remus managed to go paler, eyes round with shock. He didn't say anything for a few long minutes, and James sat there fidgeting, wondering what he should do. He finally shuffled onto the bed and took Remus' hand in his. Maybe he'd be able to comfort him over the betrayal; Remus was supposed to fancy him after all.

But Remus barely seemed to notice James. He started rocking back and forth, violently sobbing, clutching at his skull and pulling his hair.

"Remus, _Remus_," James hissed. "Cut it out or Pomfrey's going to chuck me out!" He grabbed Remus' arms and forced him into a hug that was more like a pin.

"How could he…no, n-not _Sirius_!" Then Remus was crying again, awful, painful sounds that James was powerless to stamp out. He held Remus, his own throat suddenly constricted.

Something occurred to him. "It's Sirius you fancy, isn't it?"

Remus stopped sobbing and looked up at James with wide, lost looking eyes. He sniffled and nodded.

"Bloody hell."

* * *

><p>James only left the hospital wing when Madam Pomfrey forced him out. He promptly called her a frigid cow and promised to return the next day with snacks and a stack of books Remus requested, though he thought Remus was a bit mad for wanting his homework while under physical and emotional duress. Then again, maybe he just wanted a distraction.<p>

He didn't like to think of Remus alone in the hospital wing at night brooding over Sirius' idiotic betrayal. Maybe he'd sneak back with the books that night… He'd made up his mind to do it before he remembered leaving the cloak with Sirius in the tunnel under the Willow.

As soon as James got into the common room Peter bounded over, eyes wide. "James, where have you been? What's going on? Sirius wouldn't say anything, he just kicked me out of the dorm and-"

"Sirius is here?" James asked. Peter nodded. "Stay down here Pete. Sirius and I need to have a little chat." Something in his demeanor silenced any further questions Peter was blatantly dying to ask. He reluctantly stepped aside and watched as James stormed his way up to their dormitory.

The door had been spelled locked, but it was poorly done. James got it open on his first 'alohomora' and stomped into the room. "Sirius!" He bellowed, whipping open the curtains to Sirius' four poster.

He wasn't there. Had Wormtail been mistaken?

Then James heard muffled cries coming from Remus' bed. Hesitantly, James pulled back the curtains and saw Sirius, still wearing the dirty, torn clothing from the night before. He had a nasty cut across one eye and a fat lip, and he was curled over, hugging Remus' pillow to his chest.

"Sirius…" James stared at him, at a loss. He wanted to be angry (after all, he might've been mauled by the angry werewolf just as easily as Severus), but it was difficult to sustain when Sirius looked so miserable.

That and Sirius was his best friend. Any anger James felt would never, _could_ never be lasting.

"Pads…why did you do it?" James sat down on the bed and squeezed Sirius' shoulder.

Sirius shifted away from James, and when he spoke his voice was very cold and matter of fact. "He baited me and I…I'm a worthless prat and a scumbag and a horrible friend. I walked right into it."

"Look, you-you made a mistake. We know what kind of temper you've got. You're not worthless Sirius, you were just-"

"Just what?" Sirius sat up, letting the pillow fall to his lap. "Don't make excuses for me James. Remus'll probably let you, and I don't _want_ him to forgive me. I don't deserve it."

James wished his voice would take on some kind of emotion. The cool detachment was eerie, especially considering what Sirius had looked like when he'd first walked in.

"Of course you deserve forgiveness. M-maybe not right away, but…I mean you're a good person. You just made a mistake. You defend your friends to an irresponsible degree, and you don't think sometimes, so when Snivellous got under your skin, of course you-"

Sirius shook his head, and the detachment started to give way to a look of fear. "I'm not. I'm not a good person James. Because you know what? I wish Moony'd done it. I wish he'd taken Snape's stupid head off. If Remus had done it, he'd have gotten expelled at the very least. The Ministry'd probably have to send him to Azkaban for a little while, and if Snape's family made a fuss they might even execute him, and _I still wish that arrogant little shit had gotten himself eaten_."

James stared at Sirius in wide eyed shock. He couldn't mean that. Casting the occasional jinx in the halls or doing something a bit worse with the help of the cloak and the map in the dead of night was one thing, but James had never wished Snape any kind of lasting harm. He'd never wished anyone lasting harm. It wasn't in him.

But he and Sirius came from very different backgrounds, and James had the feeling this was one of those rare circumstances where he was going to learn just how different he was from the boy he thought to be as good as his brother.

Sirius picked up the pillow again, eyes downcast, and continued. "Snivvy thinks he's so impressive, running round with my cousins and my brother and their stupid inbred pureblood dark wizard asshole friends. I hate the lot of them, and I hate him the most because he doesn't have to be that way. It was his choice. He's only a halfblood. He wasn't raised with this shit like I was and brainwashed like Reg. He's chosen to be foul and evil and he has the nerve to sneer at me for walking away from it all. It wasn't bloody easy! I lost my family! I hate it all so much, and there's absolutely nothing I can do, because I can't have them back. I can't change anything. I can't do anything that actually matters…"

James hissed in a quick breath. Sirius had acted rather flippantly regarding leaving his family, but of course it must have been agony for him. Even if he didn't get along with them, they were still _family_. A group of people who were supposed to love you…and never really had. It looked like Sirius had been stewing in his feelings instead of addressing them.

And if James were a more perceptive friend and a little less full of his own 'problems' (because of course any emotional pain from Lily Evans' continued rejection of him seemed like nothing compared to this), he might have noticed Sirius needed him and done something to help.

God, what a mess.

James weakly patted Sirius' shoulder, not sure what to say. There was nothing to say, really. Everything about this was horrible. Well…maybe there was one thing.

"You're not alone Sirius, I'm still here."

"Right. You and Remus don't hate me then?" He snapped sarcastically.

"Can't really speak for Remus on this. He's in a right state, but I think he's hurt, not angry. But I'm not finished with you. Your family might be the biggest group of foul, dark magic loving wankers in existence, but you've still got friends."

Sirius wiped at his face and nodded. "Thanks James. I-I needed that. Um…how is Remus?"

"He's actually pretty okay. I expected him to be really banged up, but he only got a couple of bites on him-"

"That's because I spent the night holding him down," Sirius explained. "Still though, those were two new bites he didn't need to get. I meant how is he…like, feeling? Do you think he'll ever talk to me again?"

"I hope he does," James said in absolute sincerity.

He did want to tell Sirius what he'd found out, that Remus didn't actually like James at all but liked Sirius, but he didn't want to get the poor boy's hopes up. Let them fix the friendship first, if that was even possible, then deal with…that.

He gave Sirius' hand a squeeze and stood up. "I'm about to sneak back down and give Remus some books, actually. Did you bring my cloak back from the Shack?"

"Yeah, it's on your bed. Um…could I take him the books?"

"I really don't think that's a good idea. Do you?"

Sirius' face fell. "Um…no, I guess not."

* * *

><p><em>AN: Thanks everyone for your reviews. It's nice to know there's an interest in the story, especially since I'm pretty sure this has been done to death. Hope you all continue to like it, and I'll try to keep my updates steady :)_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

James found himself in the awkward position of being the sole form of communication for Sirius and Remus while Remus was in the hospital wing. Even when he got out on Tuesday, James was still conveying…not messages exactly since they weren't saying anything to the other directly, but information. Both were desperate to know how the other one was doing without having to find out for themselves.

Remus was using his favored hiding spot, the prefect's bathroom, which James as quidditch captain had access to while Sirius did not. And when the other prefects, quidditch captains and the head boy and girl wanted a bath, Remus hid in the library at the work table right in front of Madam Pince's desk, assuring his absolute solitude.

Peter had mostly figured out what had happened on his own. No one really wanted to tell him the details, as they were a bit worn out from dealing with each other. So Peter suffered the silence indignantly, and loudly complained that Remus should just forgive Sirius already…whenever Remus wasn't actually around of course.

James didn't think Remus was waiting for an apology though. He didn't seem mad…more like he was defeated. There was something missing from him lately, which was to be expected, but it still wasn't pleasant to see.

Remus was harder to read than Sirius, who was pretty open about being worried he'd permanently ruined their friendship. He hadn't had another burst of hateful speech like the first night, for which James was grateful, but he was still communicative. Remus was a bit trickier, since he was private about these things and, James suspected, nursing a broken heart on top of it all.

After James had finished telling Sirius about how Remus was almost completely healed ("Yeah, he didn't look as peaky in class today"), he grudgingly set off for the prefect's bathroom to chat with Remus. He knocked on the door and waited for his friend to tell him it was him and that he was fully clothed. However, that didn't happen.

"Just a minute, I'm almost done."

James felt his face color. It was Evans. Before he could string together a coherent sentence explaining that he didn't actually need the bathroom, Lily walked out in her pajamas carrying a small basket of toiletries.

"Oh, hullo Potter. All yours."

"Er…I was actually, um, just looking for-"

"Remus Lupin?" She supplied. He nodded. "He's got detention tonight with Kettleburn. He didn't tell you?"

"No. Didn't say anything." Neither James nor Sirius were taking Care of Magical Creatures, but Peter was. He might have said something. "What'd he do to get detention?"

Lily tilted her head to the side, a mischievous, appraising look on her face. "I'll tell you if you let me know why he's been hiding in the bathroom all week. Everyone's really curious about it. He only does that when he's mad at you lot, and it's never lasted this long before."

"Sorry Evans. Not my secret to share."

"He's okay though?" She asked, looking genuinely concerned.

James made an iffy motion with his hand. "I'm working on it."

She nodded her approval. "Good. I like Lupin, even though he keeps appalling company. Tell him I'm thinking about him, will you?"

"Sure." James started walking back towards Gryffindor tower, and Lily fell in step beside him.

"Fine, I'll tell you about the detention."

"I didn't ask." James gave her a funny look.

"Exactly. Plus you've kept your eyes in polite places."

"You're wearing flannel pajamas. It's not exactly a silk nightdress or anything."

Lily laughed. "Okay, fine. I'm a bit curious too and I'm hoping that if I tell you something, you'll be a bit friendlier towards me. Now, in class yesterday, Severus was whispering something to Remus while professor Kettleburn was going over my homework with me. Then, next thing I know, Lupin had punched Severus in the face."

"Remus did that?" James asked, startled. Remus was fairly good with hexes and jinxes (defense was his best class), but his fists…then again, James had never seen him try. It wasn't like him.

"Yes he did. Not five feet from a teacher."

"Wow."

"That's not all," Lily said. "He pulled his wand on Severus and threatened to hex him into oblivion if he did anything to Sirius Black. Severus won't tell me what's going on, but I had been under the impression that Lupin was mad at Black. And I have no idea what Severus was _planning_ to do, but one of my other friends in Slytherin caught him flushing potions down the loo this afternoon, so I think Lupin scared him out of it."

James couldn't help but grin. Lily rolled her eyes, but she didn't look that upset. "Sorry," James said quickly, and wiped the grin off his face. Much as he disliked Severus, he'd finally realized being nasty about Lily's friend wasn't going to get him anywhere with her. "Just glad to hear Remus is standing up for himself."

"Standing up for Black, more like," Lily corrected.

They'd gotten to the portrait of the fat lady. Lily gave the password, and the two scrambled through the portrait hole together. Someone made a wolf whistle.

"Ew, god no!" Lily laughed. She did turn to wave at James before heading up to the girls dormitories though.

James managed to keep the dazed grin off his face until he was safely up in bed.

So…Evans cared enough about them to notice when they were fighting. She even liked Remus enough to be okay with him punching Snape in the face. Maybe he had some hope with her after all.

* * *

><p>James' high spirits from his rare good conversation with Evans evaporated almost instantly the next morning. He woke up to the sound of Remus hurriedly scurrying from the room while Sirius stared longingly after him, looking a bit dazed and lost while holding a pair of socks.<p>

"Better finish getting dressed Sirius. Maybe we can catch him at breakfast," Peter suggested.

"Doubt it. Bet he just grabs a handful of toast and runs off again," Sirius muttered darkly. He did finish dressing rather quickly though, and didn't wait for the others. He threw some things haphazardly into his bag and then bolted out the door.

James and Peter headed down to breakfast together at a more leisurely pace, discussing their friends. "Wish Remus would just forgive him already," Peter said with a long suffering sigh. "I know Sirius was a bit of a prat for telling Snape to go into the tunnel, but really enough's enough. Remus is just being dramatic."

"Pete…it's more complicated than that."

"Well I think they're still being more difficult than they need to be. Wish everything'd just go back to the way it was."

James couldn't argue with that.

When they got to the great hall Remus was nowhere in sight and Sirius was getting chewed out by professor McGonagall for something. Unfortunately for him, he was yelling right back at her and she didn't seem to appreciate it.

"That'll be a week's worth of detentions then Mr. Black, and if you continue in this vein we'll have you sitting detention every night for the rest of the year! I don't think I need to remind you how thoroughly ashamed Gryffindor house has been of your reckless behavior!"

James quickly hit Sirius with a charm that silenced whatever retort he'd had for that. McGonagall strode back to the staff table, nostrils still flaring angrily.

Peter edged around Sirius and sat down to eat, but James stormed right up to him. "What the hell was that about? Detention for a week? When are you going to practice quidditch?"

Sirius tried to yell at him, but he was still silenced. Tony Paglia jumped in though. "That's what had him yelling at McGonagall. Apparently he's been banned from playing quidditch, and no she doesn't care if that means we've got to get a new beater trained up before the match with Hufflepuff. What the bleeding hell did you do anyway and why'd you have to get caught? Selfish asshole."

Sirius threw a rude gesture Paglia's way, but he didn't see it. He'd already stalked off to the other end of the table to sit with Evans.

James turned to Sirius, absolutely furious. "They pulled you from the team? Oh my god. This is not happening. I'm not a player short, my social life hasn't devolved into absolute hell, and when I wake up for real this morning everything will be perfectly alright just like always."

Sirius waved his arms angrily and pointed at his mouth. James took the charm off and slumped into a seat for breakfast.

"Ava Davies is pretty good on a broom and she gets along with Kamala. You'll probably be better off with her than you were with me anyway," Sirius said darkly.

"Not the point Sirius. We've still got to train the new player, and if they've never flown with the team before…we're going to get flattened."

Sirius shot out of his seat. "You think I'm happy about this? Fuck you Pothead!" And he stormed out of the hall.

Peter watched him leave, then turned to look at James. "Suddenly I'm very happy I dropped Potions."

"Oh don't look so smug. You've still got to sit through Transfiguration with the three of us first."

"Oh…yeah. Fun fun."

* * *

><p>Sirius' anger with James didn't last very long, but such was James' love of quidditch that his persisted a bit longer. However he didn't actually enjoy shouting matches with his best friend, so he kept the conversation away from quidditch and the others followed his lead. He did throw Sirius a withering glare as he exited the common room with his broomstick that evening for what turned out to be a notably awful tryout for the team's replacement beater.<p>

Turns out all those competent beaters he'd picked Sirius over were bitter, or just didn't want to play for a captain who favored his friends. No one halfway decent tried out, least of all Ava Davies, and he was left with a skinny third year named Malcolm Lester who was the least horrible of the lot.

When James trudged back into the tower in a foul mood once more, he was a bit startled to see Remus sitting in the common room. He was only doing homework at one of the tables, but it was a rare thing lately to find him somewhere other than the bathroom or the library. Evans was sitting the next table over working on a Care of Magical Creatures essay, and when James passed by he overheard them discussing their prefects duties.

Something occurred to James as he went up to the dorm, and it didn't cheer him any. If they didn't fix this mess soon, there was a distinct chance that Remus might actually gravitate towards a new group of friends. James gave himself a little shake. No, that wasn't really _terribly_ likely…for starters Remus didn't want anyone else to realize he was a werewolf, and a new group of friends would put it together just as they had.

Plus James really didn't want that to happen.

Sirius was lying flat on his bed with his hangings open, having a sulk from the looks of it. James shot him a glare before putting his broom away.

* * *

><p>A few days passed with no forseeable break in the pattern. Remus continued avoiding his friends, but he started spending more time in the common room and less in the bathroom and library, having noticed that Sirius wasn't overly eager to confront him. Every now and then he caught Sirius staring at him, but as soon as their eyes met they both looked away.<p>

Remus wasn't sure how Sirius felt about things, but he for one was lonely and miserable. He wanted to fix things, and knew the only way they were going to do that was to talk about what had happened, but every time he even thought about doing so his throat got tight and he started trembling. He'd come to the conclusion that, despite what had seemed to be six years of solid friendship, Sirius must hate him. He just couldn't think of any other reason why Sirius would send Snape, who loathed Remus more than ever now that he'd confirmed he was a dark creature, to the Shrieking Shack while Remus was transformed. The end result was to make Remus miserable, therefore Sirius couldn't actually care about Remus.

He'd probably just become an illegal animagi for the romps and the adventure. He'd probably never cared about Remus at all.

"Remus, can I talk to you for a second?"

Remus paused in shoving his books and parchment back into his bag to regard Lily Evans with a confused look. He pried his thoughts away from self pity and offered her a weak smile. "Course you can. I'm free till Potions. Everything alright?"

"I was going to ask the same thing to you."

"So this isn't about our prefectly duties then?"

She fixed him with a wry smile. "Fraid not. I, er, noticed that there seems to be a bit of trouble in your clique. I know it's not really my business, but it has sort of touched some of my clique…and, well, I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

Remus chewed on his lip, considering her. He'd noticed some time ago that Lily Evans was an incredibly clever girl. Not only was she clever, she also had a strong sense of discretion. And she was also friends with Severus Snape. He started to wonder how much she already knew about what was going on between him and Sirius.

His careful silence seemed to make her nervous. Lily let out a quick breath, darted her eyes around, and then forced out a quick whisper. "Look, Severus hasn't told me-"

"You talked to Snape about this?"

"Actually, we're not speaking at the moment. Er, let's go somewhere a bit more private, shall we?" She grabbed his arm and steered him from the Care of Magical Creatures classroom. Remus followed her along the corridor.

They passed an incredulous looking James and Sirius on their way up a staircase. By the time James had recovered enough from the shock of seeing his unrequited love dragging along his friend to say something, Lily had pushed Remus into the prefect's bathroom and slammed the door.

"Right, I know that Severus did something stupid. He was in the hospital wing overnight last week, and he wasn't jinxed this time because your idiot friends would have been bragging about it. Sirius Black has gotten a load of detentions, and he hasn't said why. That's not like him. And Severus has been called up to Dumbledore's office three times in the past week, which makes me suspect he's in trouble too."

Remus nodded. There was no arguing with her observations. He only wondered what she thought she was accomplishing by confronting him with this.

Lily paused for a few seconds, her brow furrowed, green eyes shining with concern. "Look…I've noticed that Potter is bouncing back and forth between you and Black, and that you and Black have stopped talking. I know it's not really my place to get involved. I'm barely friends with Severus anymore, and I've never been much more than an acquaintance with you, but despite your horrid friends, I do like you Remus. I was glad you got picked to be prefect with me, and I like working with you in Care of Magical Creatures. So…if you need some company until you can get this mess worked out with your friends…"

"That's really nice of you Lily, but…well there's still a lot you don't know. I don't think you'll ever fix your friendship with Snape if you get too friendly with me," Remus admitted. He hadn't even noticed the two weren't as close as they'd used to be, and considering what she'd picked up about him he felt a little bad about it. "I think it's rather assured that he's never going to come round about me now."

"So he knows?"

Remus frowned. "Knows what?"

"That you're a werewolf?"

Remus gaped at her. "Wait, _he_ knows that, but how do _you_ know that?"

She made that wry smile again. "I didn't know for sure until just now, but I've guessed it. Come on Lupin, we've always taken Defense Against the Dark Arts and Care of Magical Creatures together. I've noticed the regularity of your absences, and I put it to a timeline. Considering how much more Severus cared about your mysterious disappearances than I did, I'm surprised it took him so long to figure it out. I mean, we're the master potion brewers. We always pay attention to the moon phases."

"He didn't really figure it out, he was told. But wait, you…you're not upset? You've been keeping the secret for me?"

Lily nodded. "At first I was a bit bothered. I mean, I am muggle born so I've had to learn how things work in the wizarding world, and initially everything I knew about werewolves came from horror movies. But then I thought about it, and I realized that Dumbledore wouldn't let you come to school with us if there was any harm in you, and you happen to be one of the kindest boys I've ever known. Well, when you're not around your idiot friends anyway."

He smiled at that. "Thanks Lily."

"Not a problem. I was tempted to tell Severus a few times, but I noticed that there's a lot of prejudice against werewolves, so I held my tongue and I'm glad I did."

"Me too. He, er, hasn't exactly taken the news well. I think if it wasn't for Dumbledore he'd have told the whole school by now and I'd have to leave."

"How'd he find out? Who told him?" Lily asked. Remus hesitated, and before he'd even decided if he wanted to tell her Lily put it together on her own. "Black. Black told him, didn't he?"

"Er…kind of."

"Kind of?"

"It's a long story, and not one I'm keen to go over again." Actually, it was a rather short story. The love of his adolescent life and betrayed his deepest secret, ripping his heart out in the process.

"That's fair. Well, I think I've said everything I need to, so I won't detain you any further in the bathroom. See you in Potions."

"Yeah, bye Lily."

Lily headed out into the corridor first. Remus waited a few minutes, though he didn't think it would help any. Sure enough, when he finally walked into the corridor it was to find James and Sirius waiting for him, Sirius looking a bit awkward and James in a comical state of shock.

"Why'd Evans haul you into a bathroom just now?" James asked.

"For a quick snog," Remus couldn't help but say with a smirk.

"Oi! I thought you liked blokes," James snapped, clearly missing the smirk. Sirius let out a loud snort, then went back to staring uncomfortably at Remus.

"Not so loud," Remus hissed, mindful that they were in a not-_quite_-deserted corridor. "And I do, but I haven't ruled girls out. Anyway, I was teasing. We weren't snogging, she just wanted to talk to me."

"Oh. Was it about me?"

"No James, it was not about you."

"Are you sure? Did she mention me at all? Girls are crafty you know, like, maybe she was asking you some out of the way harmless sounding thing, but she was really wondering something about me…?" It was a bit pathetic, how hopeful he looked.

"Good lord Prongs!" Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth to hide his terribly unmanly burst of giggles. Remus laughed too, and for a moment things felt the way they always had. Then their eyes met and the moment was gone.

"Well…I'll be up at the library until Potions. See you later," Remus mumbled before trudging off.

James, completely oblivious to the tension, called after him. "You still haven't told me what Evans wanted with you!"

"Bye James!"

Sirius grabbed James' arm once Remus was out of sight. "Remus knows you know he likes boys?"

"Hm? Yeah…what?"

Sirius made an exasperated noise. "I'm the one who told you he liked boys, dipshit! That means he knows I talked about it."

"Sirius, I really don't think that would be the biggest violation of his confidence you've committed recently," James said. Sirius was glaring daggers at him. "Besides, Remus told me himself. Well, kinda. It was in the hospital wing the morning after…er, yeah, and he was crying and I guessed something and he nodded. So he knows I know."

"What'd you guess?"

"…stuff."

"_Prongs_."

It was James' turn to glare. "Listen Sirius, maybe last month I'd have told you, but with what just happened I think it's a good idea to start respecting Remus' secrets. Okay?"

Sirius looked like he'd been slapped. "Y-yeah. Alright. I'm gonna…gonna go. See you at Potions." He took off as well, leaving James standing alone in the middle of the corridor.

"Well, Potions is going to be just lovely this afternoon!" He said brightly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

The first full moon after what James was mentally referring to as the Willow Incident was a bit awkward, or, the days leading up to it were full of tension anyway. Peter, still mostly in the dark, continued to think that Remus was in the wrong for avoiding Sirius and, consequently was being cold towards him. Remus and Sirius were only talking to each other during lessons, and even then they were treating each other with the cold formality reserved for strangers.

On the plus side Remus wasn't hiding in the bathroom at all anymore. He'd noticed that Sirius wasn't hampering his attempts to avoid him. Instead, he was spending a lot of time with Lily Evans, who appeared to have finally had it with Snape and his dark magic loving buddies. James was sorely tempted to ditch Sirius to go revise with Remus and Evans in the library (though he didn't need to revise), but he was a loyal friend and he'd stick it out with Sirius, who did need the support.

He wasn't necessarily happy about doing his duty though.

"Will you please try talking to him before tonight?" James asked, gazing down to the other end of the Gryffindor table where Lily was apparently telling Remus something very funny. Remus laughed, bringing a hand to his mouth so as not to spray his plate with half chewed toast. James let out a melancholy sigh.

"I wonder…do you even care about our nearly destroyed friendship or are you just hoping to get in with Evans through Remus?" Sirius snapped.

"She is still dating Paglia you know," Peter chimed in.

Tony Paglia was sitting next to Lily, across from Remus. They were sitting close enough together to be touching, and occasionally Paglia would rest his hand over Lily's. James was aware.

"Right. If Remus is any kind of friend, he'll be using the proximity to sabotage that git with non-lasting jinxes that'll still leave him in top form for keeping," James said. Sirius and Peter rolled their eyes.

They sat in silence another few minutes, James watching the other end of the table, Sirius sulkily moving his mostly untouched breakfast around his plate, and Peter anxiously working his way through his third helping of bacon and eggs.

Then James noticed something. Normally the morning before a full moon Remus was too tense to eat much, but Evans seemed to have coaxed him into clearing his plate. Did she…she _couldn't_ know. There were plenty of reasons to urge your sickly looking friend to eat a decent meal, and really suspecting that they were secretly a werewolf had to be somewhere near the bottom of the list.

Still though, it was a feat none of them had ever accomplished. Once James and Lily were married and setting up in a nice little cottage, Lily was going to make a wonderful addition to the Marauders.

"Prongs, you alright?" Sirius asked.

"C'mon Pads, I was in my happy place," James whined. He tried to recapture the image of the master bedroom in the nice little cottage, with a beautiful redhead waiting in bed, but Sirius snapped his fingers in front of James' face.

"I said do you think I should skive off Moon this month? I can't tell if I'll make things better or worse."

James frowned. "No question really, is there? You said you could barely handle him alone as Padfoot. I don't think I'll do much better with just Wormtail for help."

"Yeah, but…he won't have smelled a human this time," Sirius pointed out.

"Doesn't matter. The point isn't whether we're comfortable or not. We do this for Remus, don't we? And didn't we say we'd always be there for him?" James asked. Sirius looked away, but he nodded.

"Yeah, alright. But don't be surprised if Moony spends the whole night growling at Padfoot."

* * *

><p>James, Sirius and Peter met up in the dorm just before sunset. Sirius put on his trench coat while James fetched his invisibility cloak from his trunk. "Anyone seen the Map? I can't find it."<p>

"Maybe Remus had it last. I haven't seen it," Sirius answered.

Peter didn't say anything. He transformed into Wormtail and ran up Sirius' front to stow himself in a pocket of the trench coat. James shrugged into his jacket, and he and Sirius went down to the entrance hall complaining about how annoying this was going to be without the Marauder's Map. When they got out onto the grounds, James slipped his cloak out from under his jacket, pulled it over them, and they approached the Whomping Willow.

Where they unfortunately found Hagrid standing, looking quite awkward with his arms behind his back, whistling and trying to look inconspicuous despite the fact that he was Rubeus Hagrid and there had never been anything inconspicuous about him from the day he was born.

James choked back an aggravated noise, then had a fiercely whispered argument with Sirius about what to do next. They finally decided to distract Hagrid by making a small fire in his vegetable patch, which was barely visible from where he stood guard. James didn't like damaging Hagrid's property, he rather liked the groundskeeper, but by this point Remus was likely already starting to transform and they didn't have anything on them for a better distraction.

Once Hagrid was off and running for his garden, Peter darted out of Sirius' pocket, pressed the knot, and raced into the tunnel, James and Sirius dove in just after him. Sirius pulled the cloak back over them once they were inside. "I think…think we ought to keep this on for a bit. In case anybody saw and comes looking."

James elbowed him in the gut. "Way to get the school to set more security on the Shack. God Pads, do you know what a pain the ass this is going to be from now on?"

"They can't keep it up every month, can they?" Sirius asked, rubbing his stomach and sounding sincerely worried. James hoped they wouldn't. He let it go for the moment, and the two set off down the tunnel with Wormtail running ahead of them.

Soon enough they heard the sounds of Moony snarling and raging. Wormtail scurried through the trap door while the others transformed, and then they followed him. They found Moony in the main room. It looked like he'd started gnawing on his front leg just after the transformation. His great vicious jaws and the fur on his leg were covered in blood. Wormtail was sitting on top of his head, and Moony was wagging his tail, already looking friendlier for the company.

Padfoot hung his head and let out a whimper, but Moony simply limped over and licked his snout. Suddenly things felt a bit like they always had. Sure, they couldn't leave the Shack, and Moony was a bit banged up, but they could still have a halfway decent romp. They were still messiers Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, expert pranksters and managers of all matter of mischief, and the night was young.

* * *

><p>Despite his leg, Moony was still full of energy so they destroyed some more furniture and wrestled a bit. Moony and Padfoot howled together until Wormtail bit Moony's ear rather sharply and they reluctantly ended their 'concert'. Prongs hauled a mattress off the bed and pushed it down the stairs, though only Wormtail was small enough to ride it. The canines were amused when he got his antlers stuck in it though.<p>

Sunrise found the four animals sitting on the mutilated mattress, which was jammed halfway down the stairwell. Wormtail was now resting in Prongs' antlers, while Moony stretched out with his hurt leg placed carefully in front of him, and Padfoot gently panted with his tongue hanging out, great shaggy head resting on Moony's ribcage.

Padfoot stood up when his pillow started convulsing and whimpering, and placed sloppy kisses on the merging furless skin until it was over. The three shifted back to their human forms and gathered around their unconscious friend. Remus was in a pained looking heap on the mattress, nude and clutching his bloody arm.

"Gnawed it right to the bone this time," James said with a wince.

"Blimey. That looks awful," Peter mumbled, looking a bit green.

Sirius draped his long coat over Remus and lifted him up. "Betcha anything Pomfrey's on her way to get him. Prongs, put the mattress back. I'll carry him up. Pete, go and fetch the cloak."

"Right." Peter scurried off, while James levitated the mattress back onto the bedframe.

Sirius carefully set Remus on the bed and stroked back his fringe. He trailed his hand down the side of Remus' face, trying not to enjoy the brief moment of physical contact since the circumstances were so terrible. He couldn't deny it though. He missed Remus dearly, and at the moment he wanted to do nothing else but lie down beside him and hold him until he woke up. Though he was a bit too thin and sickly to be conventionally handsome, to Sirius he was beautiful, even with his grey pallor, sunken eyes and shaggy, unkempt hair.

James touched Sirius' shoulder, breaking the reverie. "We really ought to go mate."

"Oh. Oh yeah. Wonder where Wormtail is with that cloak?"

"Detained and a bit flabbergasted, I'm afraid."

James and Sirius whipped around and gaped. Lily Evans and Tony Paglia were standing in the doorway, Peter hovering behind them looking pale and terrified.

"Out of my way, if you please." Lily pushed past Sirius and James, who were still gaping at her, and plopped down on the bed next to Remus. Sirius was glad he'd thrown the trench over Remus; he couldn't imagine Remus would be comfortable with his new mates seeing him naked.

Lily took a bottle from the pocket of her denim jacket and started dabbing along Remus' injured arm, which instantly began to mend.

"Were'd you get dittany?" James asked.

"Nicked it ages ago," Tony answered. "Surprised you lot never did, considering you've got a friend who chews himself up once a month."

"Stop it Tony. They've really been quite good with this whole unregistered animagi business. I expect you're just jealous you can't turn into a stag or a rat."

"Like I'd choose rat," Tony sniffed. "Stag's pretty nice though, can't fault you for taste Potter. And I expect you picked a grim to mess with the gullible Black?"

"Made my brother think he was destined for an early grave," Sirius said. "Did Remus tell you then?"

"Of course not," Lily snapped. "He for one knows how to respect his friends' secrets." She finished with the dittany, then took out her wand and began muttering some spellwork to speed the ointment along.

"I figured out you were trying for the animagus transformation ages ago," Tony explained. James opened his mouth to ask how, and he cut him off. "For one, Pettigrew suddenly got decent at transfiguration, plus I was keeping track of the books you'd managed to get out of the Restricted Section. Didn't realize you'd actually worked out the spell until Lily confiscated this off of Pettigrew, and we figured out what your nicknames must mean." He held out the Marauder's Map.

James and Sirius shot dirty looks at Peter, who'd failed to mention getting the map confiscated.

"We got it working and saw you come down here last night," Lily added. "Severus and his disgusting friends have been hexing kids all night, just to keep Madam Pomfrey busy so she can't get to Remus, so Tony and I snuck down here to fix him up ourselves. Didn't think you'd mind."

"No, it's…it's rather brilliant of you," James said, gazing at Lily in open admiration. She spared him a smile, going a bit red, then went back to work on Remus' arm.

"Can we have the Map back?" Peter asked.

"I really ought to hand that over to Filch," Lily said, obvious disapproval on her face. "I am a prefect after all."

"So's Remus, and he helped make it," James pointed out.

"C'mon Lily, this is too good to just give to Filch," Tony added, shooting a look of grudging respect to James and Sirius.

Sighing, Lily nodded. "Fine, give it back to them. But if I actually catch you breaking rules with it again I'll be honor bound to turn it in. So please don't be stupid."

"And let me borrow it from time to time," Tony added.

"Only if you're not using it against us," James snapped.

"Really Potter, you're not in a place to bargain here," Lily said with a smile. "Right then. Let's get him back up to the castle. Why don't one of you run ahead to the hospital wing and tell Pomfrey he got back on his own?" Peter ran off to comply. "Tony, would you...?"

"I've got him." Sirius hefted Remus into his arms, shooting a warning look Tony's way, as though he'd volunteered to carry Remus. James grabbed Remus' clothes and trainers, and they made their way downstairs, through the trap door, and off through the tunnel.

Lily checked the map for them once they got to the grounds. It was still early enough that they only really had to avoid ghosts and Filch's horrible cat Mrs. Nesbitt. They parted ways at the Gryffindor common room. Tony and Sirius immediately went up the stairs to the boys dormitories, but Lily and James hung back.

"Evans…thank you."

"Not at all," Lily said, looking a bit surprised about something. "Remus is such a sweet kid. Of course I wanted to help him once I realized what was going on."

"Yeah, that was our reaction second year when we figured it out."

"It's really amazing, what you did. Idiotically dangerous and brash, but amazing nonetheless. He's lucky to have a friend like you."

James was sure he must have looked ridiculous with how wide he was smiling. "Yeah, it was quite good of me. Er, ah, and Sirius and Peter. They did loads of work too."

Lily laughed. "Of course. Well, take care." She handed him back the map, and when James went up to the dorm he felt like he was walking on air.

There were already snores coming from Peter's closed bed curtains. James went over to the end of Remus' bed to place his clothes on the trunk, and when he did he heard hushed voices from behind the closed hangings. He knew he should leave them alone, but James couldn't quash his curiosity. So he stayed there on the pretense of folding Remus' clothes and listened.

"I've missed you so much Remus. I didn't mean for you to get hurt, I swear it."

"Well what did you think would happen to me if I hurt Snape?"

"I…I don't know. I wasn't thinking. I was just so angry…Remus, I'm really sorry."

"…I've missed you too. I don't…I don't want to be mad at you. You're…were you mad at me? Is that why you did it?"

"No! No, that wasn't-I was just being stupid Remus. Besides, why would I be mad at you? You're perfect."

James held his breath and crossed his fingers. There was a long silence as the two boys processed what Sirius had let slip. Finally Remus spoke again in a breathless whisper.

"You think I'm perfect?"

"Well…yeah. But um…I know that you don't, um, I mean as you like-like Prongs and all-"

"Sirius, I don't actually fancy James."

"O-oh."

"I…I like you."

James wanted to jump for joy, but he continued holding his breath and crossing his fingers. There were still some ways for Sirius to blow it, after all. If he didn't whisk Remus off his feet soon though there was a chance James would pass out. He really needed to soundlessly release that breath and get to his own bed.

"Y-you do? You like me?"

"Well I did," Remus said, and James deflated. "I'm not really sure how I feel anymore." He certainly sounded conflicted.

"Oh." James could hear dejection in Sirius' voice.

'No,' James thought desperately. 'No-no-no-_no_!' And then he wasn't thinking it, he was yelling. "No! Dammit, you two are meant to be! You're both miserable apart, aren't you? Just start snogging and be happy!" Now flushing, James stalked off to his own bed and collapsed in an angry heap.

He didn't hear anything to indicate Sirius leaving Remus' bed, but he did catch another muffled but indistinct conversation. When James woke a few hours later to get ready for class he cautiously peered around Remus' curtains.

The two were still asleep, Remus looking quite content nestled in Sirius' arms, despite the shadows under his eyes. Sirius was radiant in his sleep, one arm slung securely across Remus' chest. Remus had one of his hands up over the arm, and they'd clasped hands.

James backed away from the bed, silently jumped for joy, and left for Charms without waking either of them. Flitwick was easygoing. He'd just make an excuse for Sirius' absence.

* * *

><p>Professor Flitwick was distinctly ruffled by the end of his class with the Gryffindor sixth years. Lily Evans and James Potter, usually two of his best students, were glassy eyed and lethargic during his opening lecture. The Pettigrew boy was nearly asleep in his seat as well, but he wasn't usually one of the more attentive students. Sirius Black didn't bother to show up (neither did Remus Lupin, but of course Flitwick wasn't really expecting him).<p>

With all his best students either half-awake or absent altogether, it was a wonder the practical part of class went off without injury.

When he taught the Gryffindor fifth years that afternoon and another of his star pupils, Tony Paglia, was also in a lethargic stupor, Flitwick wondered if maybe it was him and he was boring his students.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Remus was in bed, happily reading the book Sirius had given him for Christmas, a stupid smile periodically finding its way onto his face. He was sore and exhausted from the transformation, but still much too excited to sleep.

Sirius didn't hate him. Not only did Sirius not hate him, but he appeared to like Remus an awful lot (he'd said Remus was perfect!). He still wondered why Sirius had told Snape how to get past the Willow, and it seemed he always would as Sirius wasn't terribly keen to examine his own actions on that, but for the moment Remus wasn't dwelling on it. He had a boyfriend, and the knowledge made him happier than he'd ever been.

Eventually exhaustion did get the best of him, and he fell asleep with his cheek flat on the book. He woke up to a tender caress through his hair. "You know that's terrible for the binding of the book, right?"

"Yes Madam Pince," Remus yawned.

Sirius lightly tapped his head. "Jerk. Compare me to that vulture, do you? Let's see if I give you the banana bread I nicked from the kitchens now."

"Banana bread?" Remus slowly lifted up from the book/pillow and was promptly enfolded in Sirius' arms.

"How are you feeling?" Sirius asked, nuzzling against Remus' neck.

He felt a giddy little thrill at the cuddling, and froze for a moment, unsure what to say. "Al-alright. A bit hungry. You mentioned banana bread?"

"Get out, you're really hungry? You never eat as much as you should after Moon." Sirius beamed at him, then got up and went to his bed where he picked up a cloth napkin full of delicious smelling banana bread. "Should I get real food?"

"No, this'll be fine. And well…I feel better." Remus looked down at his arm and flexed it. "If I didn't remember bleeding I wouldn't think I'd injured myself. Lily's quite the budding healer. I'll have to thank her."

"Yeah. She's really warmed up to you, huh? Nice to have someone like her in on the secret. Not too fussed about Paglia though."

Remus refrained from mentioning that Paglia was loads better than Severus Snape, but based on the darkened expression on both boys' faces Sirius had thought of it on his own as well.

"Um…wh-where are James and Peter?" Remus asked. He took a slice of bread and cuddled up to Sirius once he got back onto the bed.

Sirius' face fell. "Quidditch practice. The match against Hufflepuff is on Saturday."

"Oh. Oh, I forgot. Sirius, I'm so sorry they pulled you from the team."

"Eh. I rather sucked at it anyway. Sides…I can think of some advantages to having Peter and James out of the dorm on a regular basis…"

Remus leaned back for a kiss. "When I'm not exhausted then yes, that'll be quite pleasant."

"I wasn't thinking of doing anything now!" Sirius yelped. "Besides, classy thing like you, seems like I'll have to at least buy you dinner first."

Remus laughed. "You've done rather a lot more than dinner for me Sirius."

"Well…you deserve more. Loads of fancy dinners at the least."

Remus could feel his face color, but his smile was pleased. He took another bite of bread, because he was hungry but also so he wouldn't say something unforgivably sappy. They cuddled in silence for a few minutes, Sirius smiling idiotically while Remus finished off the banana bread, and then Sirius leaned back with Remus pillowed on his chest.

"Can I ask you something?" Sirius asked.

"Of course. I won't necessarily answer though."

"Prat. Well, it's not a big deal. I was just wondering…why'd you tell me you liked Prongs?"

"I had to say something. You weren't going to let it drop, were you?" Remus pointed out. "And I figured if I said another boy then I could figure out what you thought of…of boys who like boys."

"But Prongs? My best friend? I mean really Remus…I came worryingly close to hating him you know."

"I didn't know you liked me," Remus responded defensively. "I never would have thought…still kind of can't believe it."

"Well why not?" Sirius asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"Because you're, well, y'know…" Remus waved his hand, as though the gesture explained everything. "And I'm…I'm just me. Damaged, plain…no one in their right mind would fancy me if they could have anyone they wanted like you can."

"So are you saying I'm not in my right mind?" Sirius asked. Remus snorted. "Besides, you're not any of that. Well, I guess a little damaged what with being a werewolf, but we get you mended up again after every Moon, and that's not nearly as important as the ways I'm damaged. You're like…serene, and really…just good. And you're not plain Remus."

"Yes I am. Come on Sirius, I've got stringy brown hair, and brown's just about the dullest color in existence. It's sweet that you'll say otherwise, but you don't have to lie to me."

Sirius pulled Remus close and whispered directly into his ear. "I think you're _gorgeous_. I'm actually quite shallow; I really would not be dating you if I weren't incredibly attracted to you."

Remus was sure there was nothing attractive about the vapid expression on his face, or the shade of red he was sure he'd turned, but he was pleased nonetheless. Sirius really sounded like he meant that. He'd never felt like he was anything other than sickly and mangled, but Sirius Black, possibly the most attractive boy at the school honestly thought Remus was good looking. There was only one thing to say to something like that.

"You're mental."

"You're just catching on?" Sirius laughed.

Remus turned in his arms so he could give Sirius a kiss. "I think we just might be mental enough for each other though."

"Good. I don't know what I'd do if I'd ended up with someone sane and well adjusted. Probably scare them half to death, actually."

"Mm…probably…"

"Was that a yawn? Remus, do you need to finish your nap? But…y'know, not with your book as a pillow this time."

"M'fine," Remus mumbled, then cursed because of how sleepy his voice had sounded. Sirius put on an expression of mock indignation.

"Language Mr. Moony. My virgin ears can't take such vulgarity."

"If you've got virgin ears then I'm Minister for Magic."

"Why I had no idea I was in such esteemed company." Sirius laughed with him, then started to pull away. Remus grabbed him.

"No, really, I'm okay."

"Bollocks. You always sleep most of the day after a transformation."

"What happened to your virgin ears?" Remus asked.

"They don't listen to my decidedly non-virginal mouth. Oh wow, that sounded terrible. Er, anyway, the point is that you should be sleeping and I will be here when you wake up for more cuddles."

Remus slumped against his pillow and sank into a pout. "As if being a werewolf wasn't bad enough, now it's infringing on my right to be idiotically soppy and happy after starting my first real relationship."

"I just don't want to keep you awake when your body's trying to rest. That's reasonable, isn't it?" Sirius snapped.

"I'm sorry…y-you're right."

Sirius gently touched the side of Remus' face, and he stopped his apology. "Oi, quit flinching and mumbling. I'm not upset, and you shouldn't be either. Just get some rest." He stooped over to give Remus another kiss, and then left for the common room.

Remus' eyes closed before Sirius was halfway across the room. Much though he'd prefer to cuddle with his boyfriend, he did need the sleep.

* * *

><p>Sirius made it to the quidditch pitch for the end of the practice. He stayed at the bottom of the stands looking up, and hid himself so the team wouldn't see him when they dismounted. He flinched a few times, watching the way Malcolm Lester weaved in and out of the other players. Sirius couldn't quite tell where he was intending his bludgers to go, but based on the kid's expression they weren't going where he'd aimed them.<p>

Well…Kamala Goyal was a pretty good beater when she wasn't distracted. Gryffindor still had a _chance_ for Saturday…

"Hullo Black."

Sirius jumped, then whipped around. "Hullo Evans. Didn't see you there."

"I was sitting in the stands with Pettigrew, but then I noticed you skulking about down here. Hiding from the rest of the team I take it?"

"Maybe…they're, er…a bit bitter about me being banned."

"Yes, Tony had mentioned. I don't get why. From what I understand you're not even that good."

Sirius scowled at her. "Insult to injury, thanks. So what are you doing here? I thought you didn't like quidditch."

"I don't hate it," Lily said with a shrug. "Just waiting for Tony to finish. So how's Remus doing?"

"Very well, actually. Or, much better than usual. Still bone tired, but he says you're quite the healer. You ever consider that for a career?"

"I've thought about it," Lily said. "I mean, Slughorn suggested it already more than once. Maybe eventually."

"Different plans for the near future?" Sirius asked, intrigued. He still had very little idea what he was going to do once he graduated, though he was starting to fear a future in the Potters' attic. Even with the threat of poverty looming for the first time in his financially priveliged life, he still didn't regret running out on his family though.

"There's a war going on. I'm going to fight in it," Lily answered in a perfectly matter of fact tone.

Sirius finally turned away from watching the practice to face her. This wasn't just your average small talk. "You're going to fight in the war? For real?"

"Mm hm. I think it's foul, what's going on, and I want to help. I didn't used to be an oppressed minority you know. I found that out when I was eleven, and I'm just not cut out to be subservient. I'm not just going to stand aside and take all this bullocks about blood purity. If those assholes really think it'll be a lark to go around killing muggles and muggle borns, they'll have another thing coming when they get to me."

Suddenly Sirius could see exactly what James saw in Lily. "Well spoken. I'll join up with you."

"I'd figured you would."

Sirius frowned. "Really?"

"You weren't already planning on it? With the way you rail against all that blood purity privileged crap?"

"Well I've been a bit too distracted with what's been happening to me to think about politics and, y'know, the rest of the world. But now that you mention it…yeah, I'm going to fight."

Lily nodded. "I'm glad you'll be on our side. Sirius…have things been _that_ terrible for you then?" She sounded equal parts curious and concerned. Sirius shrugged again.

"Pretty bad yeah. But they're getting better."

"That's good. I've adopted Remus as a friend you know. I won't have just anyone dating him, and I'd always thought you were a bit dramatic and spoilt. But if you've actually got real problems-"

Sirius gaped after her as she started walking towards the pitch. "How did you know that? That I'm dating Remus?" He asked.

She turned around and grinned at him. "Didn't until just now. But I guessed it. You boys really are easy to manipulate."

Sirius shook his head. He watched her head off to meet Paglia, then waited a bit more for some of the other players to disperse. Once he was sure it was just James in the changing rooms putting away equipment and likely sobbing over a quidditch playbook, he went inside.

"Hey Hornhead. How was practice?"

"Don't talk to me."

Sirius shook his head sympathetically. "That bad?"

James was indeed sitting on a stool with his head in his hands, an open playbook on his lap. He looked up at Sirius with an expression of deep dislike. "Lester's an abomination and I blame him entirely on you."

"Yes, well be that as it may, you need to get past that for a moment, because I need to talk to you about Remus."

"No, no, none of that. When you told me you liked blokes I said I didn't have a problem with it but that I had one condition. You are to keep the details to yourself." James shut the playbook, stood up, and started walking for the exit. Sirius followed after.

"Fuck that! With all the time I've spent listening to you gripe on and on about Evans you are damn well going to let me have one conversation with you about my boyfriend!"

Peter had been waiting outside for them. At Sirius' burst of speech his eyes widened and he froze with his mouth open.

Sirius cocked his head to the side and turned to James. "Does Wormtail know Remus and I are a couple?"

"Er…he does now. Pete, did we tell you?"

Peter shook his head.

"Oh. Well don't worry, they only told each other how they felt this morning. You didn't miss much."

"I think…" Peter started in a slow, faltering voice, "that I will let you two have this conversation in private. I'll just head back to the tower by myself. Have fun."

"Peter, wait!" James yelled after him, but Peter ran off and Sirius grabbed his arm before James could follow him. Sighing, James shook his arm free and fell into step beside Sirius. "Alright, what is it?"

"Well…when I went to check on him he was passed out on his book, so I nudged him awake and then we started talking. He's doing really well for after Moon. He had an appetite and everything."

"Oh. That's really good." James let out a dreamy sigh. "Evans is going to make an excellent mother."

"You done?"

"Yes, yes. Go on." James waved a hand in an obliging gesture, and Sirius continued.

"So we started chatting a little while we were cuddling, and then he was dropping off on me again so I told him to go back to sleep, and he started whining. It was very un-Remus of him. And then he said something a bit odd."

"What'd he say?" James asked.

Sirius frowned. "He referred to this as his first real relationship."

"So?" James looked at him blankly, clearly at a loss.

"Well…doesn't that sort of imply that he's had another relationship before this?"

"No." James shrugged. "Just that you're his first real boyfriend…oh. I get it, the distinction then? I guess he must have messed about in something a bit too casual to be considered 'real.'"

Sirius let out a quick breath. "That's what I was thinking."

"Well it doesn't matter, does it? He's dating _you_. It's what you wanted."

"Yes, but how come he didn't tell us if he had a relationship of any kind? We all know you're mad for Evans, and every time Peter falls for some new skirt we hear about that too. How come Remus kept quiet?" Sirius demanded.

James shrugged, looking annoyingly unconcerned. "Because that's Remus. He's had to keep secrets all his life, and now he's just a secretive sort of person. I wouldn't worry about it Padfoot. It's not like this hypothetical old relationship is competition for you. Remus likes you too much."

Sirius pouted. "He doesn't _need_ to keep secrets from us though."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

"You know Black, I never really appreciated what a competent beater you were until now," Lily remarked.

Sirius was sitting two seats down from her, just on the other side of Remus with his head in his hands, pointedly not looking at the game. Peter was on Sirius' other side, little watery eyes wide and mouth open in a silent 'o' of horror as he watched the game. Tony Paglia's best friend Edward Lecinq was sitting on Lily's other side, Remus serving as a bridge between the two normally quite separate cliques.

Remus gave Sirius' shoulder a squeeze. "It's not that bad. We might be able to come back."

"We're being murdered..." Sirius groaned.

"Here's a thought," Edward chimed in. "Look at professor McGonagall."

"I'd have to look up thanks, and I can't show my face among Gryffindors."

Edward rolled his eyes. "So they're all this dramatic then, the Blacks?"

"I suppose so," Lily answered. Edward was in Slytherin and the same year as Sirius' younger brother. Which meant he was getting an awful lot of odd looks himself, sitting amongst the Gryffindors for something as divisive as a Quidditch match (even though the Slytherins weren't actually playing they were still showing enmity to their rivals).

"You know I am sitting here in Slytherin colors surrounded by a herd of Gryffindors, right?" Edward pointed out. "You're hardly less popular than I am at the moment."

"Shut it, I'm not looking up."

"I was just pointing out though, that McGonagall is greener than my scarf. You know how she feels about Quidditch. She might let up about you being banned just to keep this from happening again." As Edward finished speaking, James was hit by a bludger fired by his own team's beater, dropped the quaffle, and Hufflepuff scored again.

"I don't think we're coming back from this," Remus said with a sigh, after another few minutes and three more goals for Hufflepuff. "That's two hundred sixty to forty. Gideon ought to just catch the snitch and end this."

"Let's leave now before the team decides to cheer themselves up with a group lynching," Sirius suggested.

"Alright." Remus stood, but looked back at Lily and Edward. "I suppose you're both staying?"

"Yep. Tony has to be there the whole time so we do too," Lily said with a long suffering sigh. "Aren't you going to need to console James later though?"

"Yes, but as his first desire for consolation will involve reintroducing his knuckles to my face, I'd rather give someone else the first crack," Sirius said with mock cheerfulness. "Pete'll handle that for us, right?"

Peter grumpily crossed his arms. "As James isn't going to punch me, I reckon I'll have to."

"That's the spirit," Remus said, shooting Peter a grateful smile. He grabbed Sirius' hand and tugged him from the stands, nodding one last goodbye at his odd assortment of friends.

"I've got a peace offering you can give James," Remus said, once they were far enough away from the death glares of their fellow Gryffindors to speak freely.

"What's that?" Sirius asked.

"You can be the one to tell James that Lily's referring to him by his first name now."

Sirius smiled widely. "Oh, that'll drive it clear from his mind! Thanks Moony."

They weren't the only students heading back to the castle a little early. Quite a few mopey looking Gryffindors were heading towards the tower, thankfully with their heads down under the weight of their shame and therefore unable to notice Sirius, some with banners and flags trailing pathetically after them. Sirius started looking miserable again at the sight of the Gryffindor banners dragging on the ground and, wanting to comfort him any way possible, Remus reached to take his hand.

To his surprise, Sirius violently shrugged him off and started walking with more space between them. "Just what are you trying to do?" He hissed.

Remus stopped in his tracks, transparently hurt. "I was just...just...sorry." He put his hands in his pockets and started walking very quickly with his head down.

"Remus? Oi, wait up, Remus!" Sirius caught up to him and grabbed his arm. "We should probably talk about..." He trailed off as another group of dejected looking Gryffindors passed them. Sirius let Remus' arm drop and backed a respectful distance away from him.

Remus' insides gave a peculiar lurch, something similar to how he felt at the beginning of a transformation. He forced a shadow of his usual smile onto his face despite the peculiar feeling that was turning quickly to numbness. "It's alright. I just didn't realize you didn't want people to know. I'll...I'll stop touching you in public," he whispered.

Scowling, Sirius marched into the nearest classroom, clearly expecting Remus to follow. The trickle of students into the school was becoming more steady, meaning the match had probably ended and getting Sirius to budge from his hiding place would be an uphill battle at best, so Remus followed him in and spelled the door locked.

"I don't have that wrong, do I?" Remus asked. "You don't want anyone to know you're queer then?"

"That's not it at all. When have I ever given a rat's rear what people know about me?" Sirius snapped. "It's you I'm worried about. Remus, do you really want to do anything that'll single you out?"

Sirius was leaning against a desk, raking a hand nervously through his hair. "I'd love to hold hands with you and do all that soppy stuff, and you know how much I like having my arms around you, but I don't think it's a good idea for us to cuddle up in the common room or anything like that."

"Yeah, I s'pose not. I...I actually hadn't thought of that."

"Really?" Sirius finally stopped looking so nervous, on account of the mocking grin he now wore. "I seem to remember you throwing a hissy fit last year when you made prefect. You said something about marching to Dumbledore's office, throwing the badge in his face, and demanding to know why he was trying to sabotage your attempts to blend mildly into the student body by making you an authority figure."

Remus could feel his face going red. "Yeah, well, it was stupid of me. You all said so. No one found me any more memorable for being a prefect."

"But if everyone knew you were half of the only gay couple in school then everyone would be talking about it. Remember that Ravenclaw bloke a few years back?"

Remus nodded. Aaron Esty had been a popular student up until he'd made an advance on the wrong student. Bertha Jorkins had made sure the whole school knew about his leanings within twenty four hours of him flirting with his team's Quidditch captain, and he'd been continuously harassed until he'd graduated. He'd also lost most of his friends. Remus remembered seeing him sitting alone in the library, trying to lose himself in books and wincing anytime he caught one of the vicious whispers about him. He'd wanted to talk to him, but at the same time he was too afraid of being made a pariah by association.

Remus felt a sudden surge of gratitude towards his friends, grateful that they were keeping yet another secret for him, and Sirius as well this time.

"I remember Esty," Remus murmured. "Once it got out that he was queer he was singled out. And if they're talking about me and noticing me, then someone might figure out the timing of my absences and realize I'm a werewolf-"

"And if you have to leave this school then I'll have to leave with you, and we'll both be miserable and poor. We'll still be together mind, but I'd much rather be able to graduate, get a really cool and impressive job, and shower you in luxuries." Sirius grinned at the indignant expression on Remus' face. "You'll make a lovely kept man."

"The hell I will! If anyone in this relationship is the trophy boyfriend it's you! You're the pretty one!"

"Oi, I am roguishly handsome, not _pretty_." Sirius spat the word like a curse, and self-consciously ran his hand through his long shiny black hair.

Remus laughed. "Sorry, but you're just too, well, the word I'm thinking of is 'manicured'-"

Sirius lunged for him and Remus darted out of the way. They were both laughing, and when Sirius finally managed to tackle Remus to the ground any annoyance either had felt for the other was gone. Sirius pinned Remus to the ground, smiling triumphantly. Remus wasn't inclined to break his hold.

"Take it back?" Sirius asked. "M'not manicured."

"Alright, manicured's not the word. But I do rather like thinking of you as my pretty boy," Remus admitted, feeling himself blushing a bit. "I'll drop it on one condition."

"Name it."

"No more jokes about me being your kept man. I do plan on making my own living you know, even if it's going to be a bit difficult." Remus had already had his career counseling. He knew how bleak his prospects were, and they were getting bleaker with every bit of legislation that got through as the war progressed and more and more werewolves were caught aiding death eaters. But for dignity's sake he was determined to find a way to support himself nonetheless. Otherwise all the risks Dumbledore had taken to get him into school were pointless.

Sirius stroked Remus' hair, and rubbed his thumb over his cheek. "Sorry Moony. I didn't realize I'd struck a nerve with that one. I just...I know it's going to be hard for you, and I don't want you to think you won't have any options. If you really need it, I want you to let me help you. I want to give you the world really, but a decent flat and three meals a day is probably all I'll manage."

"Sirius..." Remus didn't know how to voice what he was feeling, what that meant to him, so he tried to put it into a searing kiss. They were getting into a pretty good snog, when suddenly the door knob started to rattle.

Sirius broke the kiss, but his face was still very close to Remus'. "Is alohomora going to get that?" He whispered in an offhand sort of way.

"Shouldn't," Remus whispered back, but he carefully slid out of Sirius' arms and started straightening his robes. Sirius left his rumpled and gazed at the door, which was finally spelled open. James and Peter rushed in, James holding the map, and Peter kicked the door shut behind him.

James laughed when he saw them on the floor between a row of desks, with rumpled clothing and messy hair. "Interesting place for a snog lads. Why didn't you just go up to the dorm? Never mind, you'll never guess what's just happened!"

"You somehow won the match?" Sirius asked, noting that James didn't seem prepared to kill him.

"Oh Merlin's beard no, we got flattened. I mean you saw most of it, didn't you? No, we got killed so bad that Malcolm Lester was pretty much threatened into quitting as soon as his feet touched the ground again, and Kamala quit as well. Didn't appreciate the things people were saying about the Gryffindor beaters."

"Isn't that...bad?" Remus asked, confused as to why James was smiling.

"Evans volunteered to play beater!" James actually jumped in the air and clicked his heels, which was quite the feat considering he was still wearing his Quidditch things. "Which means I'll have an excuse to spend time with her! Loads more time! This would never have happened if you hadn't been booted off the team Pads. I mean, she's only doing it because her boyfriend asked her to, but, but...well I'm happy and I don't want any of you spoiling my moment with your horrible 'logic' or 'rationality'."

Sirius laughed. "If it makes you less murderous towards me then by all means, keep your delusions."

"Thank you Mr. Padfoot, I fully intend to," James answered. "So, anyone fancy a celebratory excursion to Hogsmeade? We, er, might not want to go to the tower just yet. The rest of the house still isn't very cheerful about that match."

"And they don't all know Lester's off the team yet," Peter added.

"Don't you still have to find a second beater to replace Kamala though?" Remus asked.

James waved a hand, like that was an insignificant thing. "We've got loads of time before the match against Ravenclaw. And as long as we do spectacularly in that, we've actually still got a shot for the cup. Remember in the fall? We killed against Slytherin."

Sirius grinned. It was a particularly fond memory of his, getting to chase his brother around the pitch with a bat and a couple of bludgers. He'd been in top form for that match.

"So, you blokes in for Hogsmeade, or are you going to stay here and snog under these old desks with the spiders?" James asked again.

"Yeah, Hogsmeade sounds good. I'll just nip up to the dorm and get the cloak and a change of clothes for you since no one blames me for the Quidditch disaster," Remus volunteered. Conveniently enough, running up to the tower also gave him the chance to avoid the first of several long winded rants of James' plans to turn Quidditch practices into seduction and romantic fantasy.

In private, Sirius, Remus and Peter would all agree that James might want to rethink his strategies before Lily was armed with a bat and a couple bludgers.

* * *

><p>To no one's surprise but James', his attempts to flirt with Lily during practice only served to further alienate him from her. "He'd been doing so well too," Remus sighed. "First name basis and everything."<p>

"She's already got a boyfriend though. He really ought to lay off at least until she breaks up with Paglia," Sirius chimed in.

They were in the dorm, fresh from escorting James to the hospital wing to have some rather impressive tentacles removed from his face, a result of some not-quite-captainly remarks he'd made to Lily during the team's latest practice. Peter had stayed behind in the hospital wing to keep James company, while Sirius and Remus had made an eager exit, Sirius joking about the lewd things they'd be up to alone in the dormitory just to watch the discomfited expressions on Peter's and James' faces ("Oi, you nances keep to your own beds, you got that?").

Much to Sirius' annoyance, Remus was taking advantage of the quiet to go over his Potions notes. He was lying on his bed on his stomach with his book and notes open in front of him, thumbing through them while Sirius sprawled against his back, distracting him with whining and conversation and generally getting very little response.

Remus had learned something in the two weeks he'd been dating Sirius: he required a monumental amount of attention. If James had thought he'd had it bad responding to Sirius' whims and abating his boredom as his best friend, it was nothing compared to what Sirius expected of his significant other. If this kept up, Remus wouldn't have to worry about having to leave Hogwarts if someone discovered he was a werewolf; they'd chuck him out for horrendous grades before anyone ever noticed.

"Tony's not so bad. What makes you think Lily's going to break up with him?" Remus asked.

"Wishful thinking, I suppose. As Prongs' best friend I am required to at least superficially hope for it, but yeah…I guess they are a rather good couple, aren't they?"

"They're certainly functional," Remus agreed. "I like Tony. He's very clever, and rather nice once you get to know him. I think Lily's done rather well for herself. Don't ever tell James I said that though."

"I wouldn't want to hear him whine about it anymore than you, trust me. So…you like Paglia then?"

"I've just said, didn't I?" Remus asked, pointedly turning a page and trying to ignore the fact that Sirius was now leaning so close his breath ghosted over Remus' ear.

"Was it him then? He's only been dating Evans for, what is it, four months? Five maybe?"

"Was what him?" Remus asked, giving himself a little shake. He went back to the previous page, suddenly realizing he hadn't taken in anything he'd read for at least five minutes.

"Was he the one you…you know, messed about with?" Sirius asked.

How did he always manage to do that? Remus had had every intention of only paying token attention to Sirius' presence, he'd really meant to focus on his studies…but he couldn't ignore a comment like that. Sighing, he shut the text book and sat up, Sirius sliding off to lie on his side facing Remus.

"Can't you ever just cuddle nicely while I revise?" Remus snapped, tiredly rubbing at his eyes.

"Where's the fun in that? Besides, I really am curious."

"And I have no idea what in the hell you're talking about."

Sirius' brow wrinkled. "Really?"

"You're being a bit cryptic. What makes you think I 'messed about' with Tony Paglia?"

Sirius shrugged. "You've just said you liked him. Made me wonder if that meant you fancied him at any point."

"Sirius, if you want to know if I've been with anyone else you can just ask."

"Alright. Who have you been with?" Sirius asked. "And what'd you do?"

Remus scrubbed a hand through his hair, wondering why he was so annoyed by this. Really, it wasn't that surprising that Sirius wanted to know about it…he supposed what bothered him was his way of 'asking'. If he'd actually been casual about it, mildly curious, it wouldn't have bothered Remus in the least. But this prying…and the way he said it, as though Remus were being sneaky or something.

"I don't know how you even realized I had been with someone else, but fine. Over the summer I had a…a bit of a thing with one of my neighbor's relatives. He was visiting for the summer, and it was very casual since we figured we probably weren't ever going to see each other again."

"What's his name?" Sirius asked, voice harsh and suspicious.

"Does it matter?" Remus snapped back.

Sirius sat up. "I think it does. You know everything about me Remus. Anything and everything that really matters, I tell you. So why does it always feel like you're keeping something from me?"

"Oh, so since we're dating I suddenly have to tell you absolutely everything that's ever happened to me or I'm somehow untrustworthy?"

"Not since we're dating, since we're _friends_! That's how it works you know!" Sirius yelled.

"No Sirius, that is _completely_ your own misconception!"

When had they started shouting at each other? Sirius was red in the face, so Remus figured he must be as well.

Sirius' eyes narrowed. He crossed his arms haughtily over his chest and turned away, glancing disdainfully in the other direction. "If I'd been with anyone else I'd have told you."

"Sirius, it was over the summer. I hadn't even told you all that I liked boys yet," Remus said, a pleading edge creeping into his voice. It really did bother him to see Sirius go all cold like that.

"That would have been a good place to start."

"It's not like you told me either! Don't go pretending you've been perfectly straightforward and candid with me! Besides, this is probably the stupidest fight we're ever going to have. Can we please just stop? We were both too afraid to tell anyone, and now we both know and we're together and everything's alright…that's good enough, isn't it?"

Sirius still wasn't looking at him, but as Remus talked his expression shifted from cold indifference to open anxiety. "It really was just this one neighbor, right?"

Remus nodded, and Sirius relaxed. "His name is Jamie Travers and he's a muggle. I'm probably never going to see him again, but we did promise to write to each other and I'm going to do so when I've got access to muggle post again."

"…is he a better kisser than me? I've really got no idea what I'm doing you know. I've just been guessing as to where to put my hands," Sirius mumbled. Remus laughed, and he looked offended. "Oh, my insecurities are amusing you, are they?"

"Come on, it's a bit bizarre to see you insecure about anything," Remus pointed out. He leaned across the bed and pulled Sirius close for a slow, tender kiss. "I'd rather do that with you than anyone else in the world, I promise."

"Good, likewise. Is this Jamie Travers good looking?"

"Should I lie and say he was hideous?"

"Yes, of course."

Remus grinned. "Monstrously ugly then. All spotty, with yellowy skin and lank brown hair, same shade as mine actually. He was tremendously fat, and he only had three teeth."

Sirius erupted into a barking laugh. "Come on Remus, that's too much."

"What, you don't believe me? I swear, three teeth and he had a favorite one. He called his middle tooth his biting tooth."

Sirius laughed again and fell over holding his side. He landed with his head on Remus' lap, and Remus started petting his hair, thinking that this conversation might be worth the lost homework time. "He wasn't ugly, but he's not half as beautiful as you. Is that alright?"

"Works for me. Sorry…that was a bit stupid of me, wasn't it?"

"It's okay. Sirius…I don't try to keep secrets from you you know. It just…didn't seem that important at the time, and honestly I'd pretty much forgotten about Jamie by now." Which wasn't strictly true. He couldn't help but compare the lonely two snogs of his life, but he wasn't about to tell Sirius that lest he suffer an all out interrogation.

"I feel like a prat," Sirius whined. He waited, probably for Remus to reassure him that he hadn't been acting in any such way, but if that's what he was waiting for it was going to be awhile. "…is there something I can do to make it up to you?" he finally asked in a small voice.

"You could help me revise. Or at least not hinder me," Remus suggested.

"Damn. I was hoping you'd say snog."

"Like that's putting you out. I just have to look at you a certain way and you'll snog me. Getting you to behave yourself in the library on the other hand…"

"We don't really have to go to the library, do we?" Sirius whined.

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Fine, we'll go to the sodding library."

Remus smiled brightly, and happily started packing up his things. Sirius muttered darkly under his breath. "But I'm the high maintenance one."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Remus idly wondered, as he made his slow progress back to Gryffindor tower from the hospital wing the night after the full moon, if his boyfriend was ever going to move out of the smotheringly-devoted phase. Sirius was at his side carrying the stack of books from Remus' sidetable in the hospital wing. There was every chance that this just was Sirius' personality, and that it wouldn't be a phase of the relationship. They were about two months in at this point, after all.

He'd be annoyed later, when his desire for independence gave him a streak of stubbornness and pride. At the moment he was too bone weary tired to mind, and having someone to lean on as he lurched up the stairs to their dorm room was pleasant enough. Sirius chucked his books less gently than Remus would have liked into his trunk, then flopped onto the bed next to him.

"You look peaky. You sure you were ready to leave the hospital wing yet?"

"I'd rather be in bed here than in bed there," Remus said.

"I guess that's fair. We can cuddle here, after all." Of course Sirius would latch onto that. Not that Remus minded…most of the time. He closed his eyes, a content little smile on his lips as Sirius curled against him in a manner somewhat reminiscent of devil's snare. Remus let his eyes drift shut and enjoyed the warmth of Sirius' body against his.

Then their pleasant little moment was abruptly ended by Peter running into the room and slamming the door shut behind him. He bounded over to his bed and pulled his curtains shut.

Sirius sat up on his elbows. "We weren't snogging or anything!"

"I'm hiding from Prongs, not you! Practice just ended and, well, you'll find out soon enough."

He'd barely finished speaking when James made his own noisy entrance. Remus leaned up from the bed as well, wanting to see for himself what was going on. James was still in his quidditch gear, spattered with mud and sporting a gigantic gash across his cheek. Sirius pulled away from Remus and crossed the room, at James' side in a heartbeat. "What happened?"

"Fifty points. That cow McGonagall took fifty points from Gryffindor just because I…because I…" He couldn't seem to get the words out, too flustered as he switched rapidly between shock and anger.

"What did you say?" Remus asked, keeping his tone as soothing as possible.

"I barely said anything!" James exploded. "I just asked if I might see her over the summer, and then Paglia grabbed Estrelle's bat and chucked it at my head and gave me this," Here he violently motioned towards his freely bleeding cut. "And then I landed clutching at my face, and I tried to end practice-"

"Wait, you asked Evans out in front of her boyfriend _during quidditch practice_?" Sirius asked. James shot him a dirty look. "Sorry mate, but that was pretty thick of you. Carry on. Why's McGonagall a cow again?"

"Urgh. So anyway, Evans came over to me and apologized for Paglia, and said that if I meant it as friends then she'd consider it. You know, because we have gotten a bit more friendly lately," James said lamely. He'd blatantly never meant the offer as friends, and the four of them knew perfectly well that Lily was really only friends with Remus.

"And I…I said something a bit stupid because I was still upset, and she smacked me across the cut and went to McGonagall…and she docked the house fifty points because apparently I sexually harassed Evans! She said if I did it again then I'd be banned from quidditch just like you, but that I'd also be dead because she's pretty sure I'm the only thing keeping us in the running for the cup, and she'll kill me herself if she has to lose it so I'd better learn how to respect my teammates."

A sound that may or may not have been laughter being muffled by a pillow was heard from behind Peter's bed curtains. Sirius looked at a loss about what to say. Remus decided to jump in; he was a bit more tactful than Sirius, after all.

"James…I'm really sorry. That all sounds terrible. You, um, did notice though, that Lily only went to McGonagall because you really upset her, right? That you've been making her uncomfortable?"

"I know Moony, I'm not a complete idiot," James snapped. He collapsed on the floor in front of his bed and put his head in his hands. "I'm just an idiot whenever I'm near her. My brain just kind of goes on holiday, and when I'm back to normal I realize I've done something unforgivably stupid and that she hates me more than ever."

"Well she has put that together, if it helps," Remus said. "She said she knows you don't mean to be as annoying as you are."

"Oh goody," James snapped sarcastically.

"I find it kind of flattering when I can visibly reduce Moony's IQ," Sirius put in. Remus scoffed, a scowl on his face, and James and Sirius snorted. "Oh come on Remus, you know what I'm talking about."

"I don't-you really-you do _not_ turn me stupid," Remus insisted.

Peter pulled his curtains open for this one. "What about last week when he smiled at you and you walked into that suit of armor?"

"Or that time before you started dating when Pads complimented you and you got stuck in the trick step when we were on our way to Charms?" James added.

Sirius gaped at James. "I was doing it to him before we started going out? Could you have possibly mentioned that when I was pining over him and all depressed because I thought he fancied you? Git." Sirius thwapped James over the back of his head.

Remus laughed. "Alright, so I guess I do do some stupid things sometimes. But Lily doesn't find it as endearing as she might since it's pretty constant and, well…invasive and disrespectful. You've just got to tone it down James. I think she wants to like you, as a friend at least."

James nodded. "Thanks, yeah. I'll work on it. Over the summer, I'll keep repeating to myself 'stop making an arse of yourself in front of Evans'. I'll make it a mantra or something. Next year's my last chance, after all. Once we've graduated she'll be able to avoid me with ease."

"So she won't be trapped in a castle with you for the better part of a year anymore. I'm sure you'll find other ways to stalk her. You're a resourceful sort of bloke," Sirius said, clapping a hand over James' back. James glared at him, but he couldn't hold it very long. The four of them exploded into giggles, and when they calmed a bit Sirius healed the cut on James' face.

James jumped up and pulled some clean clothes out of his trunk. "Alright, enough feeling sorry for myself for one night. Anyone interested in a kitchen raid?"

Sirius bounded back over to Remus' bed and landed just in front of him, exuberantly enough to bounce him on the bed. "Sorry, I've got a knackered werewolf to keep company."

"You can go if you want to. I'm probably just going to sleep," Remus murmured.

Peter was already rooting around under his bed looking for his trainers, while James was trying to remember where he'd put the cloak last. Sirius leaned over and ran his hand through Remus' fringe. "I missed you. You've been in the bloody hospital wing all day you know."

Remus groaned. "We saw each other all last night-"

"We were transformed. Conversation left a lot to be desired and much as I enjoy Moony's kisses, Remus' really blow them out of the water."

"And we were together for most of yesterday as well."

"Yes, in classes. And when we weren't in class you were revising for that Transfiguration test."

"_Trying_ to revise. You kept stealing my book and sitting on it."

"Well it was a stupid test anyway. I know I aced it, and I'm sure you did too."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Sirius, how do _you_ plan on surviving the summer when you're this clingy and _we're_ not going to be trapped in a castle together anymore?"

"Pads and I will clearly have to start a support group," James said, looking up from his trunk with a grin on his face. "Lily Evans and Remus Lupin fanciers anonymous. Has kind of a nice ring to it."

"Bet you anything if Evans finds out you've named a club after her Gryffindor will lose another fifty points," Peter said. James threw a pillow at him.

* * *

><p>The next morning, the four friends made sure to head down to breakfast together. Sirius and Remus flanked James on either side, Peter trailing just behind, all hoping to prevent him from saying or doing anything to unwittingly bring more wrath upon him. All the recent fiascos with the quidditch team had been interpreted by their fellow students as a direct result of James' captaincy (which was sadly true, though the others refrained from saying so), and even though he'd always been popular, sabotaging quidditch was something even a charming, witty genius from a privilidged and respectable family couldn't entirely overcome.<p>

A lot of dirty looks were shot James' way when they approached the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. James tried to send a little wave Lily's way and smiled apologetically at her, but Lily's best friend grabbed her arm and steered her to the other end of the table, going so far as to growl at the group of boys.

James' shoulders slumped. Sirius patted him on the back. "Don't worry too much mate, Estrelle's always been a bitch."

Cleo Estrelle had also replaced Kamala Goyal as beater for Gryffindor, after much pleading from Lily and Tony. The situation would only get worse if the girl resigned the team out of hatred for the captain (and, as one of Severus Snape's only friends and an odd kid to begin with, Cleo had never really liked James at any point).

"This sucks." James plopped down sulkily on the opposite end of the table from Lily. Peter sat down next to him and started heaping food onto his plate, pausing for a brief sympathetic shrug before getting down to stuffing his face. Remus and Sirius sat opposite them, but Remus gazed down the table towards Lily.

"Her eyes are red. I wonder what happened?" Remus mused. He chewed on his lower lip. "I hope she's alright. No offense James, but I don't think she's been crying because of you."

James rolled his eyes. "I know...it's not like I'd want her to anyway."

Sirius leaned around Remus and peered down the table as well. "Paglia's not there. You don't suppose they broke up, do you?"

"She definitely wasn't happy about Paglia attacking James," Peter put in. James brightened at that, and the other three scowled and rolled their eyes.

Before they could remind James that Lily and Paglia might not have broken up and it was just a guess, the post arrived and disrupted most of the conversations in the hall with its usual disorderly flurry of activity. James and Remus were both taking the Daily Prophet now, wanting to keep an eye on the "Situation" outside of school (the Ministry still wasn't admitting it was a war yet, but they weren't fooling anyone). Sirius leaned on Remus' shoulder and scanned the headlines with him, while Peter continued eating and waited to be informed if anything big had happened.

Suddenly, the mood changed dramatically in the Great Hall as the students who read the paper found the most notable headline at the same time. A wail went up from the Hufflepuff table, and two professors went to comfort the poor girl and remove her from the hall. Two students from the Ravenclaw table pulled a distraught second year from the room, and there were quieter cries and gasps from the room at large. It only took a moment for the buzz of hushed conversation to pick back up.

"What happened?" Peter asked.

"Killings," Remus whispered. "Muggle killings, but they got...they got the families of some Muggle borns." His hands were shaking, and he slowly set down the paper.

"Moony, what is it?" Sirius asked.

"T-the biggest one was in Lily's neighborhood. I didn't recognize any of the names, but..."

As one, they turned and looked at the other end of the table. Almost the entirety of the Gryffindor table was staring at Lily, because she was sitting with her head in her arms quietly crying, and unlike with the vocally distressed students, no one had taken her out. Cleo was gaping at her, looking lost.

Before anyone else could react, James got up, went to Lily and gently touched her shoulder. "Come on Evans."

Cleo unfroze and stood up, intending to yell at him from the looks of it but she stopped in her tracks at the look on his face. He had an expression of grim determination, and something that may have been heartbreak from seeing Lily in such obvious pain. He touched her arm and she slowly stood up. James wrapped a supporting arm around her and ushered her out of the Great Hall.

Sirius, Remus and Peter watched them leave, then slowly turned to look at each other.

"Well, that was something," Peter said weakly. Remus nodded.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Howdy all. I know it's been months (literally) since my last update and I wanted to apologize. I've had a particularly brutal semester that has robbed me of any and all free time. I won't be doing that again next semester, which will be my last as an undergrad! Anywho, expect steady but not regular updates on this hereon out. I've got plenty of ideas, I've just got other fics I'm working on at the same time._

_And thank you to everyone who's reviewed. I really do appreciate them :)_


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